Imaginary Friends

So I have come to the conclusion that my sex life is seriously lacking. What exactly is it lacking? More men. I was reading an article today about "what women are thinking in bed" and I found the whole thing ridiculous. The article tried to say that 98% of women surveyed said they think about ways to cover their bodies to hide their flaws during sex, some close their eyes and imagine they are with their lover in a more romantic setting, some stare into their partners eyes and think about how much they love them. Frankly this is a load of shit . Im not thinking about romance when I'm having sex, I'm thinkg "Fuck, is he done yet?!" I'm not concentrating on how much I love him, I'm focusing on my moans making sure my performance is as real as possible. Or sometimes im thinking "Wow my back is really starting to hurt - time to flip over!" When a guy is on top of me, under me, behind me, or beside me if he is lucky enough to pass through my mind its only when I catch brief glimpses of the retarded look he has on his face and I think "How did I end up here?!"

When the car is a rockin'...

It wasn't how I pictured it would be, but it it has been done.

KungPow and I went out for coffee earlier this afternoon. When we saw each other we exchanged pleasantries, and then proceeded to order our coffee. One thing was really on our minds though. We quickly chugged our coffee and then proceeded to his car. Yep, that's right. His car. We rocked that bitch.

The events which ensued:
1) He's NOTHING like Bricks. He was kind enough to tame his jungle.
2) He ate it like a vulture.
3) His Southern Friend decided to depart for a little bit, so I had to coax him to come back more so than I normally would have.
4) I hit my head against the door handle.
5) He coo-ed like a pidgeon at the end.

Are you ready for the finale?

He told me that he cared about me and that he wants to be in a relationship with me.

Is he crazy?

As Big would say, from Sex and the City, "Absofuckinlutely."

Why would you call me up for one thing, and then tell me something else? Did he think that he could get me in a vulnerable position and make me "fall for him?" HA! I don't think so.

On another note, Bricks called to inform me that he was shaving his bush next weekend. Who calls someone to tell them that? Come on now. How in God's good name do I attract these people? Am I simply a magnet for weirdness?

The only thing that I didn't think about was him maybe telling some mutual friends of ours what ensued. [PinkPolish actually brough this point up.] She also told me that I should threaten to tell the world that he has a winky the size of my pinky. When you want to blackmail a man, you threaten his manhood. Grab him by the balls and guide him in whatever direction you want. =)

And that was my night.

A fairly stagnant week

I was changing the "Of The Week" section of our blog, and while I was browsing my favourite martini website (www.martiniart.com), I came across a martini called "LemonDrop Martini." So of course, that instantly became our Martini of the Week! All we have to do now is find one called Pinky, or at least PinkPolish in honour of my colleague.

Bricks has called a few times, and I've tried to tell him, indirectly of course, [I'm a woman, why would I ever be direct with a man?] that I cannot be with him. I told him that I was moving to New York, and I even blurted out that he needs to trim/shave the Yeti Torpedo. He just went with the flow and said okay. "We can work things out." PinkPolish and I have devised a plan that includes me either becoming a lesbian, or going to a nunnery. Here's the kicker though. Despite the fact that he has an ugly schlong, I still like the guy. I mean, he's fairly reliable, and he cares about me, which is more than I can say about some guys. I have a draft of an email saved on my computer to send him "in case shit happens."

Moving on, I got a call from KungPow. He asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. Yep, that's right folks, he just came out and said it. No beating around the bush, nothing. He just asked me. I've actually been contemplating this...and I called back and left a message saying that I would meet him at a mutual location and we can see where things go from there. [This meeting should be taking place some time later today.] The thing is, when I called him, I left a message on his phone. I don't know if he got it. The idiot has the audacity to ask me for sex, and then not speak to me. Hmm, maybe I should think twice about this rather than just jumping in.

Furthermore, I received a phone call from NoBalls. He asked me out again. Frankly, he's a nice guy, despite his lack of a backbone, so I might consider it. [Depends on how lonley I get.]

I guess it's back to essay writing. 1 down, 2 to go.

Ooh, PS, Prison Break is back on air! Oh God how I love Wentworth Miller! (You'll see how much below.)

*Drools* Does he not look sexy?!?!?!

Mmm, even when he pretends to think, he looks gorgeous.
Scrumptious!

Awkward Moments

Today began as usual, I was driving to the train station to get to school thinking about all the things I had to do today, I parked and walked to the terminal. Once I got there however, SHE was standing there. And who is SHE you may ask? Well, SHE is the sister in law of my ex-boyfriend whom I will call Crazy, because well, dude was fucking off the wall. He lived with SHE and his brother in a house when I was dating him so thats how I know her. So once I had spotted her I did that whole staring intently at the ground thing and tried to speedily walk by her with my headphones one praying that she didnt notice me. BUT she did. The stupid bitch was looking great too, she is working at an advertising agency down town and has become very successful - something she wasnt shy about rubbing in. The whole break up with Crazy was a little f*cked up - I broke up with him because he woudl call me about 26 times a day (no exaggeration) just to see where I was and who I was with. So once I broke it off he told everybody it was because I was cheating on him. Anyways, I started talking to Her about the usualy dribble, "how are things going with you" "hows work", we covered all the basics including the weather, which by the way we decided was chilly but preferable to very windy days. The entire time I was PISSED. Why is it that I only run into people I know and want to show up when I look like shit?!

I managed to get to school without seeing anyone else. I went to the library and proceeded to purchase a copy card but I ended up putting my money in the card slot rather than the coin slot. It was all quite embarassing especially when I guy I used to have the biggest crush on came up and wondered why I was sticking my earing into the card slot. I explained that I was trying to get money out that was jamming the machine. He began making comments like "what kind of moron would do that!" it wasnt that embarassing until a large group of people began to line up for the machine and there I was on my knees with my hoop earings in the machine trying to un-jam it. Of course I denied fully that I had anything to do with it and as far as I am concerned it was like that when I got there.

On a happier note I have figured out a way for LemonDrop and I to afford to go to Columbia and live in the city. We are going to pretend to be a lesbian couple and rent a one bedroom apartment. The living room one of us will use as another bedroom. We've decided we'll do whatever it takes to convince the landlord we are *cheesy french accent* "Lova's"

Indecent Proposal

The weekend went smoothly, in fact after my Greys Anatomy fix I was planning on posting about what an uneventful weekend it was...then Suavier struck again.

I was online because I needed to msg somebody so I took my status off from invisible to "away" and the second I did I recieved a msg from Suavier. Apparently 'hey' is just too passe now-a-days so he begins the conversation with his inentions to book us a flight and a week long stay in montreal after my exams. He had sent me the msg not to ask me if I wanted to go but instead to ask me when my last exam was. Well, see, I haven't actually talked to the guy in 3 weeks. I have been purposely avoiding him and not taking his phone calls and now all of a sudden he wants to go away for a 'romantic weekend'. As if that wasn't bad enough - the second half of his msg as even more horrifying.

It began like this: "[PinkPolish] you are a fantastic woman. You put your work and your ambitions before everything else, you are dedicated, sexy and intelligent. I love you and I would STEAL THE SUNSHINE JUST TO PUT THE FIRE BACK INTO YOUR EYES..." YES! He actually used that line. Can you believe that?! Who says shit like that! As LemonDrop so aptly put it, he probably got it from a hallmark card. It sounds like the anxty dribble of a pubescent emo band *shudders*

So where does this leave me? I have a boyrfiend who is certiafiable and cries too much, an ugly guy who likes to play 'hard to get' and poking me in the head with his erect penis, a really hot, intelligent guy who professes daily how much he wants to get into my pants but has a girlfriend of 3 years and is going away to london in a few months, and now a crazy WOP stalker who thinks its romantic to feed me fortune cookie poetry and who has a small dick.

Maybe New York will bring better prospects... HA!

Road Trip '06!

PinkPolish and I have decided that we will be taking a trip this coming August. Unfortunately, it will not be to the Carribbean, but it'll be to one of the most amazing cities in the world...NEW YORK!!!

PinkPolish and I are extremely interested in graduate school, and so, when one of our professors was asked what grad school we should attend for our topic of interest, he suggested
Columbia University, which is located in the heart of New York City! Instead of just travelling down for a day to visit the school, we thought we would make a little trip out of it. While we are down there we can go and visit NYU, the museums, Central Park, Madison Square Gardens, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, check out some of the hot night spots around town, and do some s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g!!!! [We definately have to visit Manolo Blahnicks, despite the fact that we probably could not afford a single pair of shoes in that store.]

This is so exciting! I can't wait 'til August now.

The Hairy and the Uncircumsized

This is bad. This is really bad. Today, I was introduced to Bricks's Twig and Giggleberries, and let me tell you, thank goodness is was done via picture because otherwise I would have thrown up. Over and over again. First of all, he is uncircumsized, which makes me think, what? Am I going to be fucking foreskin? And second, he is as hairy as a mammoth. I need a weedwacker just to get down there. Then I need a masheti just so I can comb through the jungle.

How the hell has this guy gotten laid before? I mean really now, as a courtesy to your partner, you shave. Not only does it make it look prettier, but doesn't it also make you want it? This guy must've been George of the Jungle at one point because no man can be that hairy. And it's not just his unmentionables, it's everywhere! The legs, the chest, *shudders* it could even spread to the back. Oh my goodness, wtf have I gotten myself into?

On another, slightly less disgusting note, I bumped into Alchie today. I was on my way to the library, and since today was the last day of elections, he was canvasing the campus with his croonies trying to gather as much support as he could. I just blatantly told him that I wasn't voting. After tossing that idea around in my head though, I realized, that it is my democratic duty to vote. So I went to the polling station by the library, and proudly took my ballots and went to cast my vote, however, instead of writing anything down, I just spoiled the ballot. There's no one worth voting for.

Student elections are such bogus affairs. Who really goes out to vote anyways? And who even bothers taking the time to get to know the candidates? All you know is their faces on their posters which have been splattered all over campus. Who gives a turkey/rat's ass/shit? It's just like we're back in high school. What it comes down to is a popularity contest.

Democracy sucks.

Men and Monkies

While I was walking through the mall today, I noticed a striking resemblance between the men around me and monkies. The men were all scruffy, hairy, and smelly. [Alright, so I shouldn't say smelly, that's unfair to the monkies.] Some facial hair I can deal with, but come on now, when you start to look Amish (not to say that it's not attractive to some people) that should be a sign that you need to SHAVE. The shaggy hair-do is also nice, to a certain extent. You cannot drive if your hair is in your eyes, nor are you every so appealing if you are a man and your hair is down to your ass. Monkies have nice short hair, why can't men have the same? [I forgot, they want to be more like Fabio. And when was the last time we saw him in a movie?] So please, go get a haircut. And the clothing! Oh dear, the monkies have you beat on this one fellas. They could probably walk into a Walmart store, pick up something that they produced, and wear it in a much better fashion than any man out there can, with the exception of a few very fashion co-ordinated people that I know.

It's not just the physical appearance that seems to be the same, but it's also the behaviour. The men have adapted the walk of the ape. They seem to be walking on an angle, with their knee bending slightly every time they stride forward. Also, the ways in which they choose to engage in conversation with women is also ape-like. They come up to you from out of no where, look you up and down, sniff you, and then they attempt to touch what they shouldn't touch. [Yes, this was a real scenario that I saw in the mall. Crazy eh?] Their malodourousness is also very unappealing. It's called soap and water folks. Lather, scrub, rinse, repeat. Not so difficult.

The speech patterns of man have also deteriorated. I mean, what's with the half-assed vocabulary that I hear now-a-days? Why is proper English not being implemented anymore? Or have I just simply not taken Ghetto English 101? In my opinion, "wassup," "holla," and other words that emmulate that, are not part of the English language. "What's up?" and "Hello," on the other hand, are. It's funny, because as I hear these "men talk," it's just like listening to various sounds coming out of a person's mouth. A monkey can use sign language to communicate with human beings and describe their basic needs. How many men do you know that can sign?

I could go on forever, but I will make one final point about shiny objects. Why is it that shiny objects make men lose sight of everything else? If a woman is wearing a sparkly top and walking in one direction, and a man happens to catch sight of that, he falls over a garbage can because he can no longer see in front of him. Even a monkey is smart enough to stop, then stare at the shine. The monkey is not stupid enough to trip over its own two feet.

I believe in the theory of creation, but recently, I have come to accept the various notions about evolution, ie. Man evolving from the apes. Unfortunately, I do not think evolution has run its full course, because the men are still behaving and appearing like monkies. Perhaps man is an almost extinct mammal. Maybe we should put them on the endangered species list. Or maybe not. After all, would the world be such a bad place if women were running it?

The Head Poke

Well, my friday rendeavouz with CampBrady was definately interesting. What was originally meant to be a nice coffee date where we could get together and learn a little more about eachother ended up being extremely perverse - Im starting to notice a trend with me... We met up at a central location on campus and were sitting down talking - I was pretty tired from the night before studying for a test so I laid down on his lap and he was stroking my hair as we chit chatted about inane bullshit. Everything seemed like ti was going really well, that is until I felt an odd squirming sensation on the back of my head. I shift slightly and was then promptly poked in the end with his erect phallus! Shocked I looked at him and he had this disgusting smug look on his face and then said 'Now that youve had a taste - I bet you want more." He then proceeded to try and place my hand on his extremely turgid penis and I quickly pulled my hand away making polite excuses as to why I needed to go.

If only being smacked in the head with a penis was the worst of it! Night time rolled around and silly me decided to call him - despite his obviously crass demeanor I still had a thing for the guy and he seemed genuinely good. So I proposed that we 'meet up' and see where things go *wink wink nudge nudge* Well, if the son of a bitch doesnt turn me down! He says "What kind of guy do you take me for?! Thats just dirty. Im going call me some other time" I was completely shocked into silence the entire time and hung up in awe. This is going to sound really arrogant, but like he could do better! So I spent saturday angry at the world and insulted. Then the bastard had the audacity to call me back and say "You never called me back. WHy?" to which I replied "You hung up on me" Campbrady: " I was playing hard to get" PinkPolish : "So am I" *hangs up*

Can you believe that? Since when does insulting equate to playing hard to get? And what the hell is a man doing playing hard to get?! Its not like women are leaping all over him! One day he talks about me bearing his children and then the next he intimates that im a dirty tramp!

It's official - Men will be the death of us all.

A sick sense of humour

It seems that the world has a sick sense of humour. Today, as I parked my car in the GO station, I began walking towards the platform to catch my bus. As I was about to cross the parking lot, what do I see? A herse! A freaking herse was driving right in front of me! Is God sending me a sign? Or is this a cruel joke that the world is playing on me?

Last night, Bricks called to see how I was feeling. [So did PinkPolish =)] Our conversation did not turn out so well. And I quote:

"LemonDrop, we are in a committed monogamous relationship."

How can he put three out of four words that I hate into one sentence?!?!?! As soon as I heard this, I denied it like there was no tomorrow. I said we are not in a monogamous relationship, nor are we committed. Do you think he got the hint? Nooooo, I don't think so either.

It's weird, because I do care about Bricks, but when he mentioned the word relationship, I panicked and felt extremely overwhelmed and constricted. It's funny how one word can scare the bejeebers out of someone.

I almost died.

This post will be short because I am still not feeling 100%, however, I thought I would tell you about my weekend.

It all started on Thursday. I wasn't feeling very well so I left work early and came home. Towards the evening a fever crept about. I took some drugs and felt a little bit better by early early morning, however the fever returned. (At this point I was asking myself where the hell my immune system went. [see post Blah blibity blah]) After that the fever did not go down. It may have slightly fluctuated from 102-103, but that's about it. So, needless to say, on Friday, I did not attend class and missed my test, which probably pissed me off more than the fever.

On Saturday we were having a March Break event at school, and seeing as I'm one of the student ambassadors, I should have been there touring the students around campus. I had to call in sick again. Finally, around Saturday evening, my fever reached a high of 104. I could not move, talk, it hurt to breath. So, mama and papa took me to the hospital. They admitted me right away, stuck me in ICU (I seemed to be the healthiest person there), and shot me with something to make the fever go down. Now, I'm only telling you this the same way my mother told me because I have no recollection of it. I think at this point I had passed out.

I actually thought I was dead. Then I thought to myself, what a way to go. I didn't do anything that I wanted to do in life. Instead I spent my last day on earth sick in bed.

Once I came to, I saw my mother crying and shaking like a fish because she thought I died. My father was in a corner muttering to himself, and the nurse was bringing me some type of jello. I still couldn't really talk at this point, but I managed to comfort my mother a bit and my father finally looked at me. (I'm so glad there were no hot doctors. I looked like crap!)

Anyways, so I got to thinking, if this was my last day on earth, what would I do? I think I would eat a shit load of ice cream, play Nicky Nicky Nine Doors, leave a flaming bag of poo on someone's porch, go on a religious pilgrimage, and finally, (if I had someone) I would kiss my boyfriend like I was never going to kiss him again. (Duh, I'd be dying.)

Maybe I'd do some things differently, but, it's so hard to think of things like that. Of course you'd want to see all of your family that you'd be leaving behind, and my nephews, oh goodness that would be painful to say goodbye to.

But what would you do if this was your last day on earth?

Dirty Mistress

So this seems to be the year for inadvertedly getting oneself into relationships as LemonDrop can attest to. Of course I am referring to CampBrady - but if this is an actual relationship its not going so well. Yesterday I had a class with him, we spent the entire time flirting and all that fun stuff and once lecture was over he gave me a very delicate kiss and we walked out together. The second we get out of the lecture hall he immediately moves away from me and his eyes begin to dart about. Now, im not talking "shifty" eyes, I'm talking the darting eyes of a very white guy who just told a highly inappropriate racist joke at a KFC as is scanning the room to make sure none of the offending parties overheard him and is about to 'bust a cap in his ass'. I then told him that I had an hour to kill before my last class and wanted to knwo what he was doing cause maybe he and i could get some coffee. Well he pretty much ignored the question and said that he had to go and get lunch with 'friends' and quickly scurried away.

Im not usually a stupid girl (usually), so Im starting to suspect that this guy has another girlfriend and he is terrified of her or her friends seeing us together. I guess this would make me the 'dirty mistress' (thank you grey's!) I shouldn't be complaining about it as I also have a boyfriend (but he doesnt know that!) which means Im being cheated on technically by this guy! The worst part about it though is not that I'm hurt that im being cheated on, its that...well Im better than he is....we're in different leagues and someone in a minor league is trying to play me!

It's official. I'm a bad person...... alrite I've accepted it! Time to move on! He's supposed to be meeting me in 5 minutes...let's see how this goes.

No phone call!

So I tried calling my, dare I say, boyfriend...ugh, it still sounds so weird to say, so instead, I'll just use his name: Bricks, a couple of times last week to see how he was. His phone seemed to be off and it went directly to his voice mail. I left a rather bitchy message that went something like: "Hey, it's me. I don't know if you're screening calls, or you just don't want to talk to me, but I just called to say hello. If you want, call me back. Or whatever."

I turns out that the message was totally uncalled for because he was in the hospital. Apparently he had pneumonia and had been in the hospital for a week! So when he called me on Sunday afternoon, he explained this to me at which point I still protested that he could have called to let me know. He told me that he couldn't call because, 1) he was in the hostpial 2) he couldn't move. To this I responded with: "You could have died! You know, come to think of it, if you did die, I would come to your funeral and bitch slap you and then start screaming that you didn't call!" He just chuckled at this last statement. Of course he thinks I'm joking, when clearly, I was being extremely serious.

I guess all of this brings me to the conclusion that, *deep breath,* I do care about him.

That took me two years to say. And that's as far as I'm going to go. At least for now. We'll see what happens after this point.

Blog Wars

I told myself I was going to take it with class, and dignity. But, then I realised I had neither of those things and so I am going to address the comment made about our blog as cited in LemonDrop's previous post with the same amount of respect and appreciated it was aimed to illicit.

Firstly, I would like to address the "childish" comment. This is an interesting observation comming from two women who post on a blog that clearly stole its design from the spit-up towel of a young child. I mean really, Pandas?

Secondly, the entire run-on, over hypentated insult was really quite inappropriate and excessive. From this I can only conclude that as an unemployed 30-something-year old this was the direct result of a menopausal hot flash as im sure your really a 'nice' person underneath three decades of bitter, vindictive judgements.

The cheap shot at our age was also a nice touch and i'm sure was in no way demonstrative of your harboured angst at watching your blooming youth slowly slip away into the sagging future of middle-aged enfirmity.

As for the remark regarding the un-polished state of our blog; wise up! This is a random blog about nothing in particular and was never created with the intention of being a professionally published piece of journalism. I suppose posts on 'accidental porn' and the ever so eloquent critiques of other sites merit our praise?

In the stylings of Jerry Springer I would like to add my final thoughts to this discussion by saying that the remark made by twincitygals is just a confirmation of the old and now proven adage that "Life Is A Bitch - Then You Turn Into One."

An utter cop-out of a Sex and the City episode

I was informed today by PinkPolish that we were mentioned in another person's blog. At first when I heard this, I was excited! I mean, how often does someone take the time to comment on another person's work? But then, as I pulled up the webpage that we were mentioned on, I realized that we were being insulted. We are being bashed by a thirty-something folks.

And I quote:

this is a childish but cute blog ... i think we could be a bit more polished .. but it's a blog by two twenty-somethings ... ha! twenty somethings are like the gum on the bottom of my shoe .. my crappy-wannabe-fancy-shoe-that-i-thought-would-be-nicer-when-i-was-a-twentysomething-but-is-not-because-i'm-a-thirtysomething-making-n-o-mney

Now, I would like to respond:

How insightful Dr. Tracey. I'm sure Sherlock would have been very proud that you deduced such an intricate and carefully thought out analysis of our blog. Childish but cute? I hardly think anyone's personal life is childish. And may I take this time to point out the panda wallpaper on your blog? [http://twincitygals.blogspot.com/] [The one nice thing about the blog is the layout]

That is not a very nice generalization of twenty-somethings. We could come out and say, thirty-somethings are like a Walmart sandal that has been worn so often that a hole has appeared in the sole. That's not necessarily true is it? Perhaps she's just sour because gravity is no longer working in favour of her.

Being thirty is an interesting age isn't it? You have reached the point where you're kind of upset because you are no longer in your twenties but are learning to cope by going out and buying imitation Manolo Blahniks and trying to be "young" and "hip" by wearing jeans, which are not made for you [not everyone can wear low rise]; by applying entirely too much make-up to cover the fine lines which have started to appear on your face, and by trying to manipulate your vocabulary to simulate someone younger. Yeah, thirty, flirty, and thirving eh? I think not.

It's refreshing to see how cultured our elders are. I mean, insulting people that are different, making analogies with entirely way to many grammatical errors (ie. the hyphen).

Side note:
Grammar Lesson #1:
Hyphenating compound words

• Use a hyphen for most compound modifiers that precede the noun. Do not use a hyphen for most compound modifiers after the noun.
• ex. well-researched report; two-meter clearance
• ex. report it well researched; clearance of two metres
• Use a hyphen between compound nouns joining two units of measure
• ex. light-year, kilowatt-hour etc
• never use a hyphen when a compound modifier starts with an -ly adverb.
• ex. happily married couple
• Never use a hyphen when a compound modifier is in the comparative (-er, most, least) form.
• ex. better fitting; least welcome guest; most significant factor
• Never use a hyphen when a compound modifier is a foreign phrase.
• ex. post hoc fallacies
• Never use a hyphen with a possessive compound modifier.
• ex. a full week's work; eight hours's pay

This grammar lesson was brought to you in part by: Quick Access Writing Essentials. (Another great grammar book, The Bare Essentials)

But hey, at the end of the day, I'm glad that you wasted time reading our 'childish,' yet cute, blog. I'm sure you'll try to live vicariously through us. :)

Have a super day folks!

DILF Hunter

I have to concurr with Lemondrop, the night seemed a little drab although interesting. At the starting of the night a 35 year old man bought me a round of drink, and the bartender gave me free shots exclaiming "youre good for business". Im going to assume because I was one of the only women there whose body was still un ravished by gravity. As for the crowd, well they were around 30-50, I saw a total of 3 transvestites (atleast i hope they were or they were just really ugly women), and 1 guy who I thought was having an epileptic seizure, but apparently thats just how poeple used to dance. There was also a really creepy WOP sorta guy in a suit who came alone and just stared at women on the dance floor.

I danced with about 4 different guys, the first grabbed my ass but atleast he smelled good, the second was a friend of mine from school who really likes me, CampBrady (he is a camp councellor), he was very vigorously thrusting his penis into my ass - it was a little disconcertaing at first, i also danced with his friend, Poncho, who was 26 and had about as much sex appeal as the rotting corpse of a 300lb man laying in a bathtub of his own shit. Unfortunately, this was the guy that tried to kiss me. He thought he was being so smooth about it too thats what really pisses me of. We were dancing andt hen all of a sudden hes thrusting his big Jew nose in my face and trying to tilt my face back. *shudders* I successfully pushed him away thankfully. I also danced very briefly with LemonDrop's friend but he reminded me too much of one of my old best friends that it was like having my brother trying to dance with me. I dont know how he became "infatuated" with me as I pretty much ignored him the whole night trying not to give him any false hope.

By the end of the night my feet hurt, my legs hurt and I was tired and a little relieved to be going home. The drive back was fun eventhough I got us totally lost. I stopped by to see Pervert and ti wasnt soo bad. I figured he would try to get all gropey and annoying but he was a perfect gentleman and paid for my cab ride home.

As for CampBrady - well thats a more difficult matter. I mean the guy is not attractive in the least bit, and yet Im still attracted to him in a strange way. I dont know why! ugh why is everything soo complicated.

A MILF filled night

So last night was the night PinkPolish and I, with some friends, went to celebrate Newton's birthday downtown. Let me be the first to tell you, the "lounge" blew balls. The architecture itself was nice, the couches were comfy, and it was relatively clean, however, the amount of old people that I saw in there was ridiculous! I saw so many MILF's that we could keep Finch, from American Pie, busy for a couple of years. (And that's having sex one right after the other.) As for the gentlemen in the club, well, they weren't entirely gentlemen, Shewhomakesthemencry, (my best friend) elbowed a man because he "whipped out" his winky. PinkPolish almost got kissed by a guy who was hideously ugly, and I had to keep KickBoxer company.

KickBoxer is a guy that I met a few years back. We sort of have this unspoken agreement that we only head out to clubs together. I know it sounds weird, but that's just the way it works. And tonight, once he met PinkPolish, he became infatuated. I encouraged him to be bold and make a move, which was stupid on my part, but then again, it was more of a mercy thing. He was having a slow night and I thought I could boost his ego a bit. You know how guys are. But in the end, I ended up telling him that there was no chance. And I believe he got the hint.

Back to the lounge now. NotSoYoung got a drink spilled on her head. I got pushed and shoved by some punk ass moron who looked like a dead moose's butt. (Of course I wasn't going to take the shoving, so I pushed back and made my point clear.) Oh, and I also accidentally punched this one girl in the face while dancing. (It was more of a light tap.) I apologized profusely and made sure she was okay, at which point she told me she was.

We left around 1:30 and drove back home. NotSoYoung was drunk, but the rest of us seemed pretty sober. We dropped off NotSoYoung first because we got somewhat lost on the highway, and then we got lost on the way back to PinkPolish's house. Oh well. Actually, we ended up dropping her off at Pervert's house because he was being whiny.

Other than all of that, it was an alright night. The biggest pisser was spending 22.00 on 2 martinis. Absolutely ridonkulous! I couldn't believe it when the bartender told me how much. Of course those were the only martinis we drank that night. Since I was DD, I opted for two more glasses of Gingerale. Ahh, you gotta love it.

I can't really remember anything else right now, so I'll let PinkPolish enlighten you on the rest of the night.

Just a quick update

I'm back in the office again, and so is the condom. It is still here. Now, instead of being fresh cum, it's crusty cum. Yuck. I have a sinking feeling that the dog here has been sniffing it. Cheri, the dog, keeps walking all over it and whenever my boss comes into the room she casually glances in the direction of the condom, but never really noticing that it's there. I wonder if it'll be here the next time I come...

Alberta Bound

It's funny how the small things in life inspire you. For example, today, when I was supposed to be studying for my GK test tomorrow, I was watching the making of Alberta Bound - a video by Paul Brandt. The lyrics of the song and the actual images of Alberta really got to me, and honestly, it just makes me want to go out there really badly.

The rocky mountains, and black fertile ground...*sigh* I went online afterwards and found a really great site [http://richardmcguire.com/canada/alberta/a/alberta/] that had some amazing pictures of Alberta. Here are a few:

This is a picture of the Alberta prairies...

This is a picture of the Edmonton Skyline...

This is a picture of Icefields Parkway...

This is a picture of Jasper...(absolutely breath taking isn't it?)

This is a picture of paradise...

And finally, this is a picture of the cloudscape over Abraham Lake along the David Thompson Highway...

Could you imagine living out in Alberta, and waking up to this every morning? I envy the people who have this kind of scenery to look at. I wish I had something more to look at than the usual dog walkers in front of my house. Just looking at these images makes me want to pack my bags and head out West. I'm thinking that I could complete my Graduate work in Alberta. Their university is the leader among all other Canadian universities in research.

I'm thinking about taking a trip out there this summer. Just for a week. Tour the entire place and really get a feel for what it would be like to live there. *Sigh*

It's the little things that I want in life. I want to wake up looking at the mountains. I want to be able to go into my backyard which consists of a huge lawn and a dock that leads to this beautiful lake among the mountains. I want to actually be able to see the stars at night rather than the vague lamp posts which crowd our walkways in the city.

One of my close friends is heading out East in June to take a tour of the area. She wants to move out there, meanwhile I want to go out West. It seems that I'm the only cowgirl here. I guess it suits me just fine since I'm a big country fan.

Who am I kidding though. I'd never be able to afford moving out to Alberta. I could never afford a house over looking the lake. Those are only reserved for millionaires. A girl can always dream though...

My Name is PinkPolish & Im A Dirty Whore!

I had a very interesting conversation yesterday with a guy I had a class with last year whom I still talk to and occasionally see. He is in his mid 20's and is on his way to law school in England next year and out of the blue he asked me, "I think that we should see eachother naked before I go away." Well I was a little shocked because he had never really made any passes at me before this point but for some reason, I said "Alrite." I dont usually make it a habit if sleeping with just anyone but I know the guy, hes hot and not an asshole so I figured what the hell, atleast I know he can't go all clingy on me - he'll be in England! Which brings me to my next topic.

Today I was talking with a girl in one of my courses and she told me that although she had been with her boyfriend for over 2 years she still has yet to have sex with him in any form. I heard this and immediately felt skanky. If I was to be completely honest I have had sex with 5 men, granted I was in a relationship with 4 of them and 2 of them I had been iwth for 2 years but I still feel dirty. Why is that? What is it with virginity that makes people value it soo much? I can kind of understand how it it is that men prefer virgins, not only for the whole lack of say syphyllis, but also I think it gets into that whole corrupting innocence thing. And while women are valued for virginity, men certainly aren't. Majority of women would prefer to sleep with a man who has already had a sexual partner. No woman in her right mind wants to have sex with a virgin - and if youve ever had sex with one you'll know what I mean. They climb on top hump around a bit then theyre done. So why is it that men dont want women who are more experienced? And why should women feel ashamed of having had more than one sexual partner? Why should we feel like its something we need to hide and its something men can gloat about? F*ck that! I refuse to be sucked into this phallocentric double standard! So, I have arrived at the decision that if sleeping with a few men makes me a dirty whore then so be it! I like sex, I like men, and I like different men! There isnt really a whole lot that separates me from a woman who chronically masterbates with a dildo who isn't labelled a slut - the only difference is that the penis I use isnt battery operated and wont electricute me in the shower!

So Three cheers for dildo's! Three cheers for orgasms! And Three cheers for the real thing!!
"My name is PinkPolish, and I like to orgasm!"

A normal day?

Here I was thinking that I would have a normal day today. Go to class, come home, homework, and sleep. Yes, it may sound boring, but really, it's not all that bad. I had another Alchie sighting today. What is happening this week? He just keeps popping up everywhere! The Library, the Cafeteria, and other random places. For example, today, I jumped into a snow bank to avoid seeing him and having another awkward "moment." Can you believe it? Jeez, let's hope the rest of the week goes a little better.

This Saturday is going to be Newton's (one of my friends from school - we also work together) 23rd birthday. It's going to be so exciting! We're heading out to this lounge downtown, and PinkPolish and I are going to get all dolled up for the event. The only problem is the lounge itself. Although it is a higher end bar, it looks like MILF central. Hopefully there will be some young guys there. PinkPolish has predicted that she will be hit on by a man in his mid-twenties who will be of Asian decent and wearing a suit. [We shall definately let you know if it actually happens.]

The exam schedule also came out today. Mine looks pretty good. I'm completely finished school in mid-April, however, summer school starts soon afterwards. Thank goodness it's only going to be for six weeks. I must admit, I do have a sinking feeling about it. Despite it being short term, I think it'll be like a bad night of sex that just keeps repeating itself. At least I won't be suffering alone...*cue evil laughter*

Oh, and my other news, Alchie has decided to run for Student Body President. We're all doomed.