Another song

I guess this blog has been incorporating a lot of music recently, but it's a huge part of my life right now. It helps me get through some of my rough patches.

Anyways, here's a song that I came across, it's by Patty Griffin, and it's called, Mad Mission. It's an odd love song that talks about wanting it, and not wanting it, wanting it, and not wanting it...etc. As the title suggests, achieving it is a mad mission. Take a listen and tell me what you think. I'll more than likely be posting a few of her songs on here just because they're so relatable and soft.

Enjoy!

Patty Griffin - Mad Mission
Patty Griffin - Useless Desires
Patty Griffin - Let Him Fly

The Dead Parrot

I always find solace in Monty Python.

Song of the week

For the last little while I've been tormented as to whether I should do the right thing or follow my heart.

I've never been a big fan of rules, or boundaries for that matter, and I'm hoping that what I'm getting myself into won't land me in a heap of trouble.

When I feel more comfortable revealing details, I'll rehash them to you guys.

In the meantime, I'm gonna let you have a listen to Natasha Beddingfield's song, Wild Horses. It really suits my mood right now. Sit back, listen to the lyrics, and enjoy.

Back to writing papers for me.

'Til the next time, take it ease.

Natasha Beddingfield - Wild Horses

A song for your thoughts

I hate having to make decisions on a whim. I like to think things through and have a back-up plan in case shit happens.

Lately, I've been contemplating whether I would like to go to graduate school or not. I asked a few of my professors if they ever regretted making their decisions, and they said no. I was told that sacrifices will need to be made, but that if you truly have a passion for something, those sacrifices won't matter as long as you attain the end result.

So one night, I tried to picture what my life would be like if I wasn' a professor, if I was just somebody working the 9-5 every day. I couldn't do it. I couldn't see myself working a desk job the rest of my life. At that moment I knew that it was what I was born to do. I was put on this planet to teach the youth of the world, and no matter what it takes to achieve that goal, I will do it.

With that in mind, I purchased SheDaisy's cd, Fortune Teller's Melody (it's very good by the way), and there is one song on it in particular that I love. It's called, Whatever it takes. I know it talks about being a relationship an yadi yadi yada, but ultimately, it speaks wonders about persevering , and so I thought I would share the song with you. Tell me what you think.

SheDaisy - Whatever it takes

Wounds

"With some wounds you have to rip off the bandage, let them breathe and give them time to heal." - Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

Can friends be something more?

As of late, I've been getting together with an old friend whom I've "dated" in the past. Even though we went our separate ways, we've always been on good terms. Actually, I'd even go so far as to say we're close friends. Today I found out that OhScholarlyOne wants to move away from our friendship and be something more.

Let me backtrack for a minute.

We had gotten together this evening to shoot the shit about how down I've been feeling lately, and at the end of an excellent night, he sorta tells me that he still likes me. It came out in a really weird manner, and after it slipped, he made a beeline for the door. I don't blame him really. At the time, all I could do was laugh about it. I don't know why, but I guess it was just my nervous reaction to the whole situation.

To a certain degree I share the same feelings with OhScholarlyOne, but I don't think we're on the same level of "like." I think he may be into it a little more than myself. I'm hesitant in pursuing this any further because I don't want to destroy the friendship we've maintained over the years. Unfortunately, I think things have come to an end, and I feel like an asshole.

He told me that we should just not talk for a while so we can cool things off and see where we are in the future because if we were to see each other now it would be very awkward. VERY awkward. I don't want to not talk to him. I want to be able to say hi every now and again, but alas, I do not think I'll be getting my wish this time.

I feel like an ass for not grabbing life by the balls you know? In my last post I said I was ready for a relationship that is more meaningful than a good fuck every now and again, but at the same time, I heard the word "us" today, and it floored me. I mean, I saw the red flag going up, sirens were blaring, the whole shabang. Maybe I'm not ready for that relationship.

After all of these thoughts floating around my head, I started to picture "what if" scenarios. The kind where you pretend you're in a relationship with this person and try to see where things will go. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me. Why you ask? I do not know. Why would I be scared of him? Why would I not want to be with a guy who would treat me right and be a real man? According to OhScholarlyOne, he would never ask me to pee on him, but that's a whole other can of worms.

I feel like I'm way to far into the friend-zone to pursue a meaningful relationship with him. He says that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. Am I though? The question on the table today is can you turn a friend into something more? And if things don't work out, can you still be friends after?

Break-ups

My life has been pretty dull for the last little while, thus the lack of decent posts. I tried looking for what people call "love" last year, and just gave up on it since there was CLEARLY nothing out there to satisfy my tastes. Perhaps I need to lower my standards, but I refuse to settle for less than best. Lately, I've wanted to find that special someone that I can share moments with, private jokes, and make some memories with. Unfortunately, there is nothing out there besides one-night stands, players, and drunken idiots.

DoorKnob called me today to tell me that she was planning on breaking up with her boyfriend tonight. I was surprised that she wanted to end things with him, but at the same time, it was expected. She suspects that he has been cheating on her. Personally, I don't give a rat's ass about him because I never liked the bastard anyways. He never treated her properly. He constantly criticized her about her appearance, made jokes about her friends and family, and basically acted like a jackass ordering her to drive him around here and there.

You may be reading this and wondering, what in tarnations did she see in him? (Side note: They has been together for a little over a year.) She loved him. She truly had her heart in this relationship and didn't want to let him go despite everything that he put her through. I scoff at this and think it is a pathetic excuse, however, when I told her I thought this was bullshit she said to me, "You don't understand even though you say you do. You think love is so easy, well try being in it."

Her words hit me like a hammer to a nail. I stopped what I was saying because I realized that I had no experience in the matter and did not have the right to comment. I wonder how hard it is to break up with someone that you truly love. She must be going through hell right now, even though she did sound jovial before the break-up. Some might think it will be easy to fall out of love with someone, but it's probably one of the hardest things a human being has to endure.

After she broke up with him, he became so cold towards her. No good-bye hug, no it was great while it lasted, no thank you for everything (even if it is sarcastic). Just a fuck you, it's your loss. Eat shit.

This made me think of KungPow. I've had a couple of one-night stands over the last couple of months with him. I should stop calling them that since they are recurring. But today I realized that I don't want anymore of that, I want something more meaningful. So the question on the table is: Do I really want to wager my heart in a gamble that could end up breaking it? Do I truly want to see what it's like being head-over heels for someone even though it could end up in heartache, but also bring about some good times and memories?

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Freedom Writers

Everyone needs to see this movie. Whether you want to be inspired, whether you want to be entertained, or whether you would like to expand your horizons, this movie has it all.

Freedom Writers

A new year, a fresh start

First off, I would like to welcome everyone in to the year 2007. I always like the beginning of a new year. It inspires people to make some drastic changes and then revert to their old ways yet again. This year I have provided myself with the following resolutions:

1. To not make any resolutions.
2. To avoid getting sucked in by other people's resoultions.
3. (I guess this one sounds like a resolution) To stop wasting time on the internet.

There was only one exciting thing which occurred today, besides the start of school. I woke up this morning as usual, had my coffee, and headed to the bus terminal. I got on the bus and after a couple of minutes it just shut off. You know it's bad when the bus driver himself says, "Oh shit." Luckily he got it running again and we were off to school. Hoorah. (Can you sense my sarcasm?) The one nice thing about beginning the school year on a Wednesday is that most students decide not to go to class on the first day back, so the school was nice and quiet. Why can't it be like that every day?