Break-ups

My life has been pretty dull for the last little while, thus the lack of decent posts. I tried looking for what people call "love" last year, and just gave up on it since there was CLEARLY nothing out there to satisfy my tastes. Perhaps I need to lower my standards, but I refuse to settle for less than best. Lately, I've wanted to find that special someone that I can share moments with, private jokes, and make some memories with. Unfortunately, there is nothing out there besides one-night stands, players, and drunken idiots.

DoorKnob called me today to tell me that she was planning on breaking up with her boyfriend tonight. I was surprised that she wanted to end things with him, but at the same time, it was expected. She suspects that he has been cheating on her. Personally, I don't give a rat's ass about him because I never liked the bastard anyways. He never treated her properly. He constantly criticized her about her appearance, made jokes about her friends and family, and basically acted like a jackass ordering her to drive him around here and there.

You may be reading this and wondering, what in tarnations did she see in him? (Side note: They has been together for a little over a year.) She loved him. She truly had her heart in this relationship and didn't want to let him go despite everything that he put her through. I scoff at this and think it is a pathetic excuse, however, when I told her I thought this was bullshit she said to me, "You don't understand even though you say you do. You think love is so easy, well try being in it."

Her words hit me like a hammer to a nail. I stopped what I was saying because I realized that I had no experience in the matter and did not have the right to comment. I wonder how hard it is to break up with someone that you truly love. She must be going through hell right now, even though she did sound jovial before the break-up. Some might think it will be easy to fall out of love with someone, but it's probably one of the hardest things a human being has to endure.

After she broke up with him, he became so cold towards her. No good-bye hug, no it was great while it lasted, no thank you for everything (even if it is sarcastic). Just a fuck you, it's your loss. Eat shit.

This made me think of KungPow. I've had a couple of one-night stands over the last couple of months with him. I should stop calling them that since they are recurring. But today I realized that I don't want anymore of that, I want something more meaningful. So the question on the table is: Do I really want to wager my heart in a gamble that could end up breaking it? Do I truly want to see what it's like being head-over heels for someone even though it could end up in heartache, but also bring about some good times and memories?

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.