A Little Pent Up

I think I can speak for most women when I say that the majority of us lead our lives in an almost constant state of pent up sexual desire and frustration. Desire for men we know we can't get and frustration and the shocking inability of men we can get, to get us off. I dont even know how often I have do to force orgasms or try to picture scenarios in my head other than the one that is occuring at the time to get even the slightest twinge of desire. Now maybe i'm just increadibly unlucky - but all that has changed. I am here to tell you ladies, there is hope! At the end of that tunnel which was littered with faked orgasms, "headaches", moments of 'god is it over yet', and men who think the clitoris is just there for looks, I have finally gotten a hold of that man that we would insert into our fantasies - I have discovered that HKG has the ability to turn me on with more intensity, more fervor, and faster than any man - real or imaginary. SCORE 1 FOR TEAM PINKPOLISH! Now the hard part, will be restraining and harnassing this force.

HKG & myself, have had a number of attempted rendevouzs seemingly prevented by fate but there is a plan - I am to meet up with him this weekend, which like most women, means that now I have to start figuring out what I want to wear. Tomorrow after work I am heading off to the mall to buy the most gorgeous pair of pumps I have ever laid eyes on. They have 3" heels and are red shiny leather with a peekabo toe and platform sole. We all have a pair of shoes like this in our closet, they dont all look the same but they all mean the same, they are the "F*ck Me" heels. Thats right ladies, they're expensive, painful, and hard to walk in but when you wear them you are powerful, sexy and in command and they are totally worth the sprained ankle, the blisters and the burning calf muscles.

Why are men so stupid?

Can anyone tell me why? Why do men do the dumbest things? Why do they say the most incredulous things? Why do they act so absurd?

As PinkPolish mentioned, there was a monster heat wave yesterday and it was scorching outside. I probably could have made breakfast on the pavement.

Anyways, after getting back from work, I peeled off my clothes and took a shower. To help keep myself cool, I thought I would put on some shorts and a tank top. [Keep in mind, there is nothing skanky about wearing shorts and a tank top.] So far so good right?

It gets even better. I went to the mall in search of the perfect pants...ladies (and some men), you know how difficult this quest can be. It's like searching for the freakin' holy grail. Speaking of which, maybe I should call in Monty Python - King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table with the coconuts. I parked my car in the mall's lot, and as I walked towards the mall doors I was honked at a couple of times. No, I was not jay walking or cutting someone off. I was just minding my own business. Why do men do that? Then, just as I was about to enter the mall, some guy comes up to me, I mean right up to my face and says, "Whoa baby, shake that ass for me, cuz you know you want to." For fuck sakes. Can you not say anything better than that?

First off, why would I want to shake my ass for you? Do you get pleasure if you see a ripple effect happen? Do you find yourself mesmerized by a bum going back and forth? For the love of God, no woman wants to shake her ass for a man. If she does, she will do it on her own! Nobody needs to fuckin' tell her to do so!!!

My retort to this guy: Why don't you shake your ass home before my foot goes up it.

Knowing this guy though, he probably would have liked that, but he willingly backed off. [I mist have portrayed a great deal of rage (I'm talking about the kind of rage Achilleus felt when Agamemnon took his booty - I'm a Classical Studies major, that kind of allusion was bound to come up sooner or later.) and spite.

Anyways, I went home, and it was still bright enough outside, and slightly cooler, that I thought I'd go for a jog. Once again I was honked at. WHEN I WAS WEARING TRACK PANTS AND A TANK TOP! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? All you hear is "Beep beep.....VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM."

Do the men expect us to kick off our shoes, jump onto the bumper of the car and thank them once their car comes to a stop? Do they want us to think that we're special because they honked and took off? The last living brain cell comes up with this kind of concept! Honking and driving off. The least they could do is stop so I can see the fucker who thought it would be a smart idea to honk, and then I would galdly compliment them on their lack of intelligence.

WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?

I think a "Dear Universe" letter is coming up soon...

Heat Wave

So things have been going well with 'Hot Kin. Guy" (HKG). We have been talking online pretty much ever night for a few hours. I feel like I know a lot about him already and I'm starting to get really excited because he seems like the first 'real' guy I have met. He's intelligent, funny, witty, incredibly sexy with blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes. He has one of those laughs that just to hear is infectious and causes you to laugh. He is principled and unwavering, he is kind without being a wimp. The thought of his hand even brushing against my thigh, or the feel of his lips on my body is enough to make me bite my lip and let out a little sigh. He seems to be...well, perfect. I just hope I am not sadly mistaken. I think we all know my prior taste in men..

Today we met up at the university and just walked around and talked for a good 4 hours. At one point while he was walking up the stairs I put my hand in his ass pocket and I must say - he definately has one of those nice perky bums that I ranted on about in "calendar boys" about a month ago. mmm perky bum! There was major flirting and eye contact, except for the part where he stared at my breasts but hey, thats why I put them out there! I really wanted to go in for that kiss, but, I dunno I guess the perfect moment just never came up and I dont want to rush it - the first kiss can tell you a lot.

Now off of the mushy stuff! There has been a horrible sudden blast of heat here. It was 42 celcius here today and I was about ready to melt. Even my boobs were sweaty! But the point of this discussion is to pose an honest question to the readers of this blog. "Why is it, that obscenely fat people sweat so easily and so profusely?" Really, I want to know. And dont say its because of the heat, because I have seen a fat man start to sweat in the middle of winter at the mere prospect of a candy bar.

Rough Start

Everyone has those days when you just can't seem to start up. You've been overworked and underpaid and you feel like you just can't start your engine. Well, today, Rusty felt that way. Rusty, as you all know, is my '89 Honda Civic. Let me start at the beginning.

I went to the movies with PinkPolish and wesaw Over The Hedge (By the way, best movie in the world!!!). Afterwards, we went to have some linner at Shoeless Joe's. After paying our bill, we went our separate ways. Me to Rusty, and PinkPolish to her Turbo. Unfortunately, Rusty wasn't feeling very co-operative today, and he wouldn't start. He just left me there in the parking lot. What a sonofabitch. I called my brother and he explained to me what the problem was. Apparently, my relay needs to be replaced (A relay is what sparks the engine to start). Mine overheats and when it does, the car doesn't start. He told me to open the doors and windows of the car and to let it cool off. After getting off the phone with him, I called PinkPolish and asked her to come back and keep me company while Rusty cooled off. And they say women are the diffcult ones. Sheesh.

So PinkPolish came back and tried to help me fix Rusty. I got my brother back on the phone and he tried to talk us through how to replace the relay. After locating the stupid black little box, we tried to pry the wires off it, but to no avail. PinkPolish did her best and so did I. We couldn't even find any men around the parking lot to help us. Where are all the muscley men who have souped up cars when you need them?

We finally gave up and I said I'm going to try to start the car one more time. At this point, PinkPolish gave Rusty a little booby love and....SUCCESS!!!! He roared to life! After releasing a sigh of relief, I thanked PinkPolish profusely, got into my car and drove straight home. Forget trying to stop for gas, Rusty would probably be a bitch and not start again.

At least now I know I have no sense of mechanics in me. If my car were to blow a tire or something, I would probably sit at the side of the road and cry like a little girl until someone stopped to help me, or rape me and dispose of my useless body in some deserted dump.

Once I got home, I sat in the car for a good 5 minutes screaming at Rusty and then I went inside and watched My Best Friend's Wedding. Come on, I needed a good pick-me-up after that ordeal. See, this is why I'm not in a relationship. I don't think I could handle the stress of a man. Having a car is enough trouble. It's almost as much work as one of those relationships. I mean, you have to invest time in it, maintain it, and buy it new things to replace the old ones. It also needs a lot of TLC.

What a day.

53 Hours

This is going to try and be a fairly quick post. The weekend update has been postponed due to extenuating circumstances. I have not slept in about 53 hours, two friends of mine died in a motorcycle accident the day before yesterday, and yesterday my mother was told by her doctor that she has abdominal cancer. I spent last night in the emergency room with her, 6 hours in the waiting room and and 2 in the actual room waiting for the doctor. She has hooked up to an IV and told that they wouldnt be able to perform the ultra sound on her which will be able to tell definitively whether or not she has cancer until next week at the earliest. We were also told however, that if we wanted to pay cash for the ultra sound instead of going through our insurance they could do it faster. I never realised that our medical system was so corrupt. I love how I pay exorbitant taxes for a free health care system that ends up costing more money unless of course you dont mind waiting in excruciating pain for months to get proper treatment. I can say without hesitation at this moment that I hate Canada, I hate Ontario and I wish I had never left europe to come here.

Loooong Weekend

So I didn't do a whole lot on the weekend, which is sort of a good thing. I needed all the sleep I could get.

I slept for most of the weekend and basically just took it easy. I didn't want to do any strenuous. Are you kidding, it's my long weekend, I've course I'm going to lie around and be a lazy ass. I did do one exciting thing. I went down to the Lakeshore with Shewhomakesmencry, and we took a walk around the park over there, and we to warm ourselves up we went to Second Cup. I got some nice peppermint tea while my friend ended up getting some burnt disgusting coffee. Yuck. Second Cup is a misleading name because you can't even finish the first!

I went over to my brothers house afterwards and saw my nephews, who were absolutely adorable!

The one on the left is Niko (4) and the one on the right is Marko (2). They are going to be heartbreakers when they grow up. Isn't that great? The last thing we need is more men in the world who are going to break our hearts. Well you know what? I'm going to condition them to be gentlemen and not assholes.

After watching the fireworks at my brothers, I went home and saw the series finale of Alias. Ladies and Gentlemen, can I just be the first to say:

HOLY SHIT. THAT WAS FUCKING INCREDIBLE!!!

I have to admit, I was crying so hard at the end of the show. Not only because of the way it ended, but because it's actually over. I never expected it to end so suddenly. I wish they had another season, but I guess they did everything they could with the show without making it repetative.

Now, the work week has begun again, thank goodness it's going to be a short one. I don't think I could go for five days this week. However, I do have the coolest job in the world. I get to tour people around the university campus and work with the Marketing and Recruitment Office. My project for the last little while has been to work on the manual for the Student Ambassadors. I get total creative reign on it, which totally kicks ass!

I've bored ya'll enough. PinkPolish can fill you in on her cottage getaway.

And here's...

TIGGER!

This is the prize that ToonMan won me at the carnival we went to yesterday. Ain't he cute?

I'm taking suggestions for names...

As for what I'm going to do about ToonMan, I figure I'll just deal with it. I'll keep my feelings to myself and find some sort of way to compartmentalize. Why bother opening a can of worms that will hurt more than one person? It's not worth it.

PinkPolish made a good point, I should allow myself to be more open to love. Instead of running away from commitment, maybe I should run into it. I should give it a shot. Could it possibly lead to something good in the end?

"I may never get over you"

There is this one song by Brooks and Dunn called "I may never get over you." It's really quite nice, and I've been listening to it over and over again for the last half hour clutching a small tiger that ToonMan won for me today. Let me back up for a minute and recap...

This evening was supposed to be a night out with our group of friends. It was going to be IT Girl, PinkPolish, ToonMan, Shewhomakesmencry, and HerStory (a good friend of mine from school). We were all going to head to Williams Pub (this nice coffee shop that also serves great desserts) and have a nice night out. Well, it turns out that IT Girl had some flooding problems in her house and she had to tend to that; PinkPolish needed to pack for her trip up north (however, she did call and text me to make sure I was alright...I'll get to that in a minute); ToonMan showed up late; Shewhomakesmencry had a confirmation to go to; and HerStory just didn't get the memo on time.

ToonMan and I were left to fend for ourselves. I ended up going to Williams half an hour early. We were all supposed to meet at 7:30, but ToonMan was late leaving work and said he'd be there for 8:00. I drove around aimlessly trying to kill time, ah yes, half an hour of my life that I will never get back, doing what? Nothing! Anyways, back to the story...I went back to Williams later on and waited in line. I ordered him some food because he hadn't eaten since lunch, and while I was waiting in line, there was a booth beside me where a girl and her boyfriend were finishing up their coffees. The girl was on her cell phone talking at a rapid pace - does she even breath or is she bionic? - and her boyfriend was sitting there restlessly looking for a way out. I sympathize with the guy. Ahh, well, being the sadistic person I am, I called PinkPolish and laughed about it.

ToonMan finally shows up at 8:15 and we just pick up where we left off the last time we got together. The conversation flowed really well, and he enjoyed his chicken caesar wrap. I told him that I had a surprise for him afterwards. He finished his wrap and milkshake and we headed over to this park where a carnival was taking place. It looked like a lot of fun, and I had seen it as I was driving around aimlessly. We walked in and I immediately noticed the carnies stalking their prey. A few of them shouted out, "Hey buddy, why don't you come over here and win your girlfriend a prize?" (I gushed at this while he looked awkward.) We stopped and he played a dart game. The best part is, he won me a tiger! It's so adorable! (I'll take a picture of it and post it later.)

After the carnival, we decided to take a walk around the park and we passed by the spot where we first met. We reminised a little bit, and then moved on.

It felt so nice, and so comfortable being with him...but he has a girlfriend. It's so hard being with him, because it's hard not being with him. Does that make any sense? So ever since I got home, I've been playing the Brooks and Dunn song, because it rings many truths. *sigh* I compare every man I ever meet with this guy. I know I shouldn't, but it has become such an automatic response. I'm oddly reminded of Meredith Grey from "Grey's Anatomy" and how she moves from guy to guy because she can't have the one she is really in love with.

What do I do now? Do I put him out of my head forever? Do I sever any connection I have with him and go cold turkey? Or do I simply stay friends because having a friendship with him is still something?

Damp Hopes

You ever notice how long spells of dreary weather has the ability to slowly suck the life out of you? It's like when your jacket starts to become really wet and begins to get heavier and drags you down - that's what the weather is doing to my mind and my spirit - slowly soaking it down.

But on a slightly less melodramatic note - I have done all my packing for this weekend. I'm heading up north with some friends to a cottage for the long weekend. I have all the necessities: A thong bikini, a Commadores Cd, toilet paper & appleton's jamaican rum. If only life was as simple as bonfires, weenies (the hot dogs here, not men), and funk.

Are we whores?

So I know a lot of people out there like sex, but just because we like it every so often, does that make us whores? I'm not talking about the mediocre sex you have that you just don't want to remember. I'm talking about the kind of sex that you can't get out of your head for a week after the fact. The kind of sex that makes you hot when you're standing in line at the grocery store. The kind of sex that allows dirty thoughts to creep into your head as you're standing in line for communion at church. Yep. Mind blowing sex.

I can still remember the first time I did it. Without getting into all of the details, it was freakin incredible! Just thinking about it right now...

For example: I went out on a few dates over the last couple of months, and have suggested the horizontal monkey dance, however, the guys have sometimes just said no because they wanted it to be romantic. They didn't want it to be sleezy. During that time, the only thing running through my head was, "Oh man, this guy must think I'm a slut for wanting to sleep with him on the first date." Then again, I can completely understand from his perspective. Why would you want to pleasure someone that you don't care about?

So the age old question stands. Are we whores because we like sex? Or are we whores because we like sex frequently? And do the above questions actually make us sluts?

Moving away from that topic, I do have some juicy gossip I would like to share with ya'll. I'm currently working full time at my university as a tour guide for prospective students and this past week I had a huge tour group of about 40 people who wanted to see the campus. So I took them all out. Everyone had a great time and simply gawked at the vastness of it all. Well, let me tell you, there was one tall glass of water on the tour and I simply fell in love with him. All of the good looking men are from the Northern parts of this province.

So, after showing the group the kinds of residence we have available on campus, we went for a walk around campus and had a good time. The end. I didn't ask him for his phone number so I could call him, and he didn't ask me for mine, but he ended up giving me his email address. When I rehashed this to PinkPolish, she suggested that I email him and say that I want to get together again, but I didn't think it would be a good idea.

Lessons Learned

In every secret bloggers life, there is a day that looms somewhere in the misty future that is both dreaded and in a sick way sought for - the day the poeple in your life find your blog and figure out your silly little code names and understand the way you really feel - sometimes this works out well and other times.....
So from the ominous beginning lines I think we all know where this post is headed. Today, I discovered that hot kineseology guy had read my blog. He saw the website on my laptop while he was sitting behind me during a post I was making in class. Needless to say if you have followed my story from the beginning there are perhaps some things that are best left unknown to people you are potentionally trying to get to know better. Things like, your sex life, ex-boyfriends, posts labelled "My name is Pink Polish & Im A Dirty Whore." I was blissfully ignorant that he had read these things until I was looking in his binder, bored, and discovered the website.

**Side note: To Better understand the consequences behind this event it is important to know that for the past few days I have been talking with Hot Kin. Guy (HKG) and we've had some pretty good conversations. I have been able to actually talk with him - he doesnt appear to be one of those guys who just want sex or is looking for a good time for awhile until the next best thing comes along. So bottom line - we've kind of been 'connecting' i guess you could say, but this blog will probably stunt this growth lol End Side Note:***

Once I had confronted him about the website he claimed he had not read it. I found it hard to believe that he hadn't. Later however, he decided to 'put everything on the table' and told me he had read it. I was quite embarassed and stammered out justifications for the things I had written, when the conversation had finally ended it was agreed upon that he would no longer read the blog to allow me to write more freely and un-guarded. However, I havent lived this long to become naieve about the way things work in life. Human nature being what it will, he will inevtiably read the blog again, whether out of curiosity, boredom or in hopes of getting a better understanding of me or maybe even just to find out my secrets. Although, even with that knowledge I will continue to write and shall not censor my posts - and maybe, finally a man will understand what it's like to live in a woman's mind.

P.s. for HKG: I put that picture up just for you ;)

Urban Safari

I told myself I wouldn't bring this up as a topic of discussion, but I am a harsh judgemental cow so I must. Have you ever noticed how the beginning of spring has the uncanny ability of bringing out into the illumintaing light of day the stretch-marked, cellulite, strangely hairy women? It's as if the mild temperatures become the dog whistle of grossly over-weight women in clothing that maybe on a normal person might be an XXL but on them fits more like a small condom on Tommy-Lee's cock. I have said it before and I will say it again, I have no problem with extremely large women with cankles, tripple chins, back breasts and front butt - HOWEVER, just because they make clothing in your size DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD WEAR IT! CAMEL TOE IS NOT THE NEW CLEAVAGE! LEAVE YOUR TWAT LIPS @ HOME

What brought this on you ask? A chance encounter with what I like to call the 'wild beasts' of my university. The incedent occured about 2 weeks ago. I was in the library studying for one of my last exams when something large and orange waddled through my peripheral vision. Obviously I had to see what this was and when I looked up I noticed two, very large 'horizontally challeneged' women in tanks tops being devoured by the folds in their bellies. So, being the insensitive woman that I am I turned to my friend and said, "Do you think we could harvest their ivory?" Apparently I must have said this quite loud because they stopped their migration in mid stomp and turned to me and said "You're such a bitch" Well needless to say, I was quite terrified. Forget the fact that either of these women could sit on me and effectively crush my windpipe or crack a rib and puncture a lung, the real terror came when I realised they were on their way to lunch and I began to suspect that their looks of hate and disgust were really masking their inner desire to eat me. So, time stood still for a moment of paralyzing terror util one of them (the one in orange) said "Yeah! We're members of PETA and thats cruelty towards animals!"

I think this post will be best left alone at this point...

The Two-Week Funk

It's been awhile since I've updated so I decided to use the time that I am in my summer course to fill in the past two weeks. I wish I could say that it has been an extremely busy time but it hasn't. Instead I have spent my days waking up at the ass crack of dawn to get to my course on time and watching my ever-expanding thighs widen as I sit on my ass watching old episodes of Buffy the Vampire slayer. This course I am taking, and my job at the office have begun to slowly sap my will to live - each day I walk into the seminar room or I enter the office and spot my cubicle from across the room a little part of me withers and dies. This is exactly why I must continue to pursue my PhD, there is no way in hell I can spend the next 30 years of my life working a 'real' job. As for the love/sex life I will break it down quickly.

Oxford (Sophisticated Older Man from Class): After months of dirty talk and plans to 'consumate our desires' before he goes away to Wales for his Masters when he breaks up with his girlfriend, I decided to put an end to it all. I admitted that I had feelings for him and anything we did would be more than just sex for me."t I am regretting it now as it was met on his end with a "that is really flattering" and "Adorable." Prick.

Suavier (Crazy Psycho Stalker Man): Yes, after months of avoidance and blatant brushing off he continues to email and message me in a desperate and fruitless attempt to get me to go away with him.

While my love life is dwindling there is hope. A good looking Kinesiology major in my class might prove to be a viable opportunity. Heres hoping!

Last weekend did prove to add some excitment. I went to a country bar to celebrate my birthday with some friends, of course LemonDrop came. The night was pretty good, was enjoying the $3 beers, that is until I went up to the bar and was hit on by a guy who looked to be a mix of Freddie Prince Jr and Mr. Bean. I went to the bar and he approached me and said "You're 16 right?" To which I replied "No. You have to be atelast 19 to be in here" "Uhh yes but there are such things as fake ID's, you're 16 right? Do you have a boyfriend? Im 24." I looked at him, grabbed my beer and backed slowly away. This wasnt the worst happestance of the evening. Later as after I had finished shakin' my thang to a rendition of 'I Will Survive' we decided to leave because the bar was closing. OUtside the bar there was a hotdog stand, and of course, being drunk the idea of food just seemed irresistable. So as I was putting ketchup on my street meat, a blonde girl in a cowboy hat approached me and began to carress my arm and say "I was watching you on the dance floor, You are a great dancer and have this innate sexuality about you." I finished with the condiment and looked at her and said "I like HotDogs" then walked off. Im not sure if she really understood.

One of those days

It seems that I'm having a stroke of bad luck today.

1) I couldn't fall asleep last night, so I'm running on zero sleep. (Even the coffee I had this morning did nothing for me.)
2) I almost got stuck between the elevator doors at work.
3) I pulled a muscle in my leg.
4) I got smacked over the head with a poster board of some idiot holding a camera. Grr.

So that has been my "un"lucky day. I'm hoping that I'll be able to rent Tristan & Isolde when I go home. That way I can wind down with a nice movie, and maybe, *crosses fingers* finally fall asleep.

Thankfully at work today, I get to leave early because we're holding a BBQ. (I usually get off at 4:30, but today I'm leaving at 3:00.) I hope they have some nice chicken burgers! Mmm, burgers... I sound like Homer Simpson don't I? Ah well.

That's been my week so far. Nothing exciting. NoBalls still hasn't called me about our "raincheque" date. After the SOB stood me up, I just gave up on him. Yeah, the sex was alright, but it's not worth the hassle. Hehe, I know PinkPolish feels the same with her boyfriend.

Actually, by the end of the week I'll have something interesting to write because PinkPolish is celebrating her birthday! A large group of her friends and I are going to be heading to a club and dancing the night away. I hope it'll be fun.

PS. While working the Welcome Desk at work (which is stationed right in front of the elevators) I saw two people jump between the doors because they could not wait for the next elevator to come. Hehe, and get this, they got stuck! LOL