Men and Monkies

While I was walking through the mall today, I noticed a striking resemblance between the men around me and monkies. The men were all scruffy, hairy, and smelly. [Alright, so I shouldn't say smelly, that's unfair to the monkies.] Some facial hair I can deal with, but come on now, when you start to look Amish (not to say that it's not attractive to some people) that should be a sign that you need to SHAVE. The shaggy hair-do is also nice, to a certain extent. You cannot drive if your hair is in your eyes, nor are you every so appealing if you are a man and your hair is down to your ass. Monkies have nice short hair, why can't men have the same? [I forgot, they want to be more like Fabio. And when was the last time we saw him in a movie?] So please, go get a haircut. And the clothing! Oh dear, the monkies have you beat on this one fellas. They could probably walk into a Walmart store, pick up something that they produced, and wear it in a much better fashion than any man out there can, with the exception of a few very fashion co-ordinated people that I know.

It's not just the physical appearance that seems to be the same, but it's also the behaviour. The men have adapted the walk of the ape. They seem to be walking on an angle, with their knee bending slightly every time they stride forward. Also, the ways in which they choose to engage in conversation with women is also ape-like. They come up to you from out of no where, look you up and down, sniff you, and then they attempt to touch what they shouldn't touch. [Yes, this was a real scenario that I saw in the mall. Crazy eh?] Their malodourousness is also very unappealing. It's called soap and water folks. Lather, scrub, rinse, repeat. Not so difficult.

The speech patterns of man have also deteriorated. I mean, what's with the half-assed vocabulary that I hear now-a-days? Why is proper English not being implemented anymore? Or have I just simply not taken Ghetto English 101? In my opinion, "wassup," "holla," and other words that emmulate that, are not part of the English language. "What's up?" and "Hello," on the other hand, are. It's funny, because as I hear these "men talk," it's just like listening to various sounds coming out of a person's mouth. A monkey can use sign language to communicate with human beings and describe their basic needs. How many men do you know that can sign?

I could go on forever, but I will make one final point about shiny objects. Why is it that shiny objects make men lose sight of everything else? If a woman is wearing a sparkly top and walking in one direction, and a man happens to catch sight of that, he falls over a garbage can because he can no longer see in front of him. Even a monkey is smart enough to stop, then stare at the shine. The monkey is not stupid enough to trip over its own two feet.

I believe in the theory of creation, but recently, I have come to accept the various notions about evolution, ie. Man evolving from the apes. Unfortunately, I do not think evolution has run its full course, because the men are still behaving and appearing like monkies. Perhaps man is an almost extinct mammal. Maybe we should put them on the endangered species list. Or maybe not. After all, would the world be such a bad place if women were running it?