Romance is in the Air

I just finished watching Pride & Prejudice (the new one with Keira Knightley). I tell you, there is nothing like a good period romance flick to get a girl in the mood for love. It was so romantic and beautiful! [God I can be such a sap] However, it is movies like these that I would like to blame for mine, and probably many other women's, failed romances. Sweeping scenes of romantic professions midst breathtaking english scenery, heated moments in the rain, the passionate kisses against a backdrop of the rising sun, these are the things that make real love nearly unbearable! In any relationship I have every been in, even if i was in love or am, it will forever seem like a transient love, because I won't settle for anything less than an epic romance. Is it really so much to ask for? Perhaps I have become so brainwashed by hollywood stories and propaganda that I have developed unrealistic expectations about love. Expectations which are now preventing me from ever fully giving myself to one person because I am forever Elizabeth, wandering the vast landscapes alone waiting for my Mr.Darcy to find me and so any man in between is just filler. But why shouldn't I be allowed that grandiose love? Why can't I have the passion? Because it doesn't exist? Then what's the point?

Perhaps it's like that song "Its a secret no one tells, one day its heaven, one day its hell. Its no fairy tale take it from me - but thats the way its supposed to be."

What will I see next?

So at school today, I saw the dumbest sign on a bulletin board while I was waiting for class to start. "Looking for healthy female to donate egg. Must be university educated." You have got to be kidding me! What kind of difference is a university education going to make when you're donating an egg?!?! Jeez. What am I going to see next? A t-shirt that says, "I'm the next Hitler? Bow to me." And who would answer that kind of ad? If someone does, it would be like saying, Harvest me! Come plow my field!

I had another Alchie sighting today. Unbelievable. No place on campus is safe anymore. I was sitting in the student centre with a friend of mine having my morning tea, and lo and behold, Alchie comes through the door and waves at me. I waved back nervously hoping that he would just keep walking. Thank goodness he did. PinkPolish also had a sighting.

Well...I better get back to my Hamlet lecture. To be or not to be...

What A Day!

So I was walking across campus today to catch my bus home and I saw two of the best t-shirts in the world, which makes three great tshirts in 2 weeks. Last week it was the tshirt in the picture to the left which was worn by a 4 year old little boy "Now that Im safe, Im Pro-Choice." Fucking priceless. Today's t-shirt was on a 20 year old guy which read: "I Support Stem Cell Research But Only As Byproduct Of My Support For KIlling Babies." *evil snicker* why, why am I so sick? I am leaving you in suspense for the other t-shirt until the end of the post.

On A more serious note here are the latest developments:

(1) Oxford approached me after class today and asked if he could chain me up in his closet and keep me as a sex slave.

(2) I was hit on by some wierd professor while trying to get a bagel @ a coffee shop on campus. He was accompanied by a certain professor that shall be forth with known as "the flacid old fool". I was waiting patiently for my multigrain bagle to toast when I noticed the geriatric eyes skanning my gooodies. If he was rich I might have considered pulling an Anna Nicole Smith but, he was far from it. When he noticed my evil glare he turned to the flacid fool next to him and said "my, what a beautiful young lady." Now that I think back on it...he wasnt soo bad...I think i could f*ck a rich old guy..as long as it was doggy style.......

Final T-shirt Thoughts for the Day:
"I Eat More Pussy Than Cervical Cancer"

*rolls on floor laughing & clutching her cerivix*

In a rush...

I'm in a rush because I'm at work, but this was definately blog worthy. So, I was sitting in my office, minding my own business, when I went to pull up a chair next to my desk so I can place some books down when a condom falls off. An actual used condom, with icky cum still inside.
That's right folks, either my boss is still sexually active (and she's over 60...which is fine, to each their own) or her daughter is doing something inside my office that she shouldn't be doing...

In times like these, I wish I had a digital camera. *sigh*

Quick Weekend Update

1. I may have inadvertantly gotten myself into a relationship. (Me, the commitment phobe who runs when she hears any or all of the following words: Commitment, Relationship, Marriage) Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Bricks and I are...umm...casually dating. Yes, I rather like that term. (In a sad kinda way, I feel like someone's Old Maid.)
2. Alchie is running for Student Council President (wow, it feels like I'm back in highschool). If he actually wins this, we're all in BIG TROUBLE! Ha, and the boy even has the audacity to ask me for support and my vote. The man who drinks profusely, who gambles his life and life savings away, and who fondles girls in a G rated movie is asking for my support in the coming elections. I scoff at that.
3. I'm behind in my homework. Bah. Big surprise there. LA is starting to be a pain in my ass.
4. Grey's Anatomy rocked my socks! Even George pointed out the fact that Karma Bites.

Lesson of the week: When you need to clear your head, do not squat in a trail to pee because you may catch Poison Oak in an unpleasant spot. (You need to watch Grey's Anatomy to understand that one.)

A Fecal Matter

After by recent realisation that Suavier is out to use me as a sex toy, I decided to confront him and 'dump' him if you will, before he 'dumped me'. I decided to get together with him after he stood me up to tell him that I only thought of him as a piece of meat and that now, like all meat, hes turned into a rotting, maggot ridden, festering carcass. Meaning that I dont wish to pursue any further relations. Well, before I could get to that part in the conversation today when I called him, he proceeded to say "My cock is soo hard right now. All I can picture is rubbing your puckered as*hole with my finger." *Allows reader a moment to stare at the screen in horror* Well, I can tell you that I will think twice before asking someone how they are. Needless to say I quickly extricated myself from the conversation before anything was able to be inserted in to my bottom by saying that my arm just caught fire. Yes, yes, that is what I said.

I want to know what this fascination is with men these days with asss. I mean honestly, I understand that a nice ass can be a turn on (for example see the included picture) but to want to touch, lick, poke, or fist anything which sole purpose is the expulsion of human excriment is absolutely disturbing. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!

Blah blibbity blah

Boy do I feel like shit. This past week has just been one disgusting piece of phlegm after the other. (Can you tell I've caught a cold?)Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is the third time this year! What the hell is wrong with me?!?! It's like my immune system decided to take a vacation.
Me: Hey immuny, how ya doing?
Immune System (IS): I'm going on vacation.
Me: What do you mean you're going on vacation?
IS: I need a break.
Me: From what?
IS: From protecting you against life-threatening diseases. It's hard work you know.

Bah. You know what? Let the immune system go on vacation. I'm gonna milk this sickness for all it's worth. I'll miss class, because I'm too sick to go. I'll cancel my dates with NoBalls, because I'm too sick to go. I'll tell everyone to f*ck off, because I'm too sick to care! (Okay, so maybe note the last one, but I was on a role.)

Needless to say, my week has been pretty dull, except for a few high points which I will outline for you below.

1. I had a Grey's Anatomy marathon! (I bought the first season on dvd and sat down to watch the whole thing. Boy was it worth the nine hours I wasted on it!)

2. I started off the week yelling at "The Limo." The Limo is my car. It's a beat up old '89 Civic, but I love it to pieces. Anyways, on Monday morning, I got up a bit earlier because it was cold outside and I knew ol' Limmy would need some time to warm up. I started up the car, and pushed the button to open up all the doors. (It may be an old car, but it still has power locks.) As soon as I opened them, they locked on me just as quickly. Finding that peculiar, I tried doing it again, but the same thing happened. I unlocked the back door manually and got out of the driver's seat, and shut the door. I went to open up the back door, but when I did, the door locked on me! LIMO LOCKED THE DOORS ON ME! Needless to say, we (the car and I) had a very long talk that morning, most of which consisted of a long string of profanity by yours truly, while I waited for my brother, (who is a mechanic) to save my ass. Thank goodness he only works five minutes away (I was running late for school at this point). He came and on that cold, frost-bitten Monday morning,I learned how to break into a car with a coat hanger. AND, I can proudly say, I made it to school on time!

3. I had a run in with Alchie. *Shudders* I was on my way to the library Wednesday morning when I spotted Alchie walking in front of me with his hot friend who shall from now on be called "Evil Spawn." At first they didn't notice me, which was great. I thought I was in the clear. But of course, Fate, being the nasty bitch that she is, decided to tease me. I was on my way up the escalator when I noticed Alchie was going in the same direction. We were riding up the escalator, and he glanced down in my direction a few times, but I didn't think he noticed me because I still had my tuke on from the morning trek from the bus loop. Unfortunately, as soon as I reached the top, Alchie turned around and said in his loud and obnoxious voice, "Hey there LemonDrop! How are you doing?" I silently cursed fate but mustered up enough energy to mutter, "Fine." Come on folks, at this point, I hadn't even picked up my morning coffee. He then continued to speak to me, even though I made my complete disinterest very noticeable. He asked, "What are you doing here?" I felt like picking up one of the heavy encyclopedias that were near by and smashing it repeatedly over his head, but instead I replied (with extreme wittiness), "It's a library. I'm getting books." After this reply, I bolted. More than likely Alchie was there to pick up chicks. Ha, at one point, he even tried to pick up PinkPolish. (I'll let her tell you that story.)

4. I went to the International Auto Show at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre (http://www.autoshow.ca/2006/default.asp) and had a really great time, when I wasn't chasing my nephews around and making sure they weren't being abducted by strangers. I never knew this before, or maybe I was too young to realize this, but the car show was a gold mine for hot guys! (Maybe even better than the university gym.) Let me tell you, I spent a good fifteen minutes talking to his one really good looking guy about the superiority of a Honda engine over a Ford. (Oh, by the way, I have fallen in love with the new Honda Fit. It's a new 2006 model that the dealers will be getting shortly. It's similar to the Civic Hatch they had some odd years ago.)


Lesson of the week: Don't try hitting on men in the military. It could get difficult to tell whether or not they're flirting back. (Stupid good looking, rugged exterior.) *Shakes fist*

Dear Universe...

Recently it was pointed out to me that I may be a cynical and bitter bitch. Well readers, this is probably very accurated, but I wasnt always this way. No, at one point I was hopeful and principled. I had morals, standards, and ethics and it was my dream to join the UN and make a difference in the world. I was going to marry prince charming and he was going to ride with me off into the sunset. (Well I still have this dream except prince charming isnt riding WITH me, Im riding him and his 9-inch stallion). So what happened to that bright-eyed young lady? Well, life repeatedly raped her in the ass then punched her in the face essentially breaking any hold she had on hope and decency and plunged her into a world full of sex, depravity and questionable ethics. And so, it is with that in mind that I begin this strongly worded letter to the universe.
"Dear Universe,
You are cocksucking piece of shit! At every turn in my life you have kicked me in the box and left me to writhe in pain on the hard pavement. You have cursed me with a love life full of lying, cheating, and small-dicked drug addicts and have made it virtually impossible for me to get off during sex.Youve given me brief moments of joy just to yank it away. You probably jerk off to the sounds of my cries you sick fuck! You stuck me with this bitch-whore of a mother who after years of alcholism and drug abuse blames me for her worthless existence. Youve filled the world with jobless, perverted retards and have done everything in your power to make sure I meet and interact with every single one. You were the evil genius behind fast food and now I am forced to live out the summer in continual fear of sighting fat chick wearing low-rise jeans and a belly tops who seem completely oblivious to the fact that they look like mushed sausage being bound in syran wrap! You are a cum chewing cunt nugget and I hate you for dooming me to an existence of bad sex, bad men, and bad hair! But mostly, I hate you for your apparent innability to fuck over those who actually deserve it.
Thank You For Your Time".
PinkPolish.

A slow yet insighful night

After a rather dull day, I finally realized something. Being single isn't all it's cracked up to be. You always have to be on the ball. (Ie. Making sure your hair is all nice and neat, that you're wearing a nice outfit, that your socks match etc.) When you're single you have to constantly have your game face on, but when you're in a relationship, you get comfortable with the one you're with. You no longer worry about a single strand of hair falling on your face, nor do you care whether your t-shirt has a hole in the neck. *Sigh* The single life, and the relationship life. Two different worlds, both of which freak the hell out of me.

The single life has been great, don't get me wrong, but always coming home to an empty bed kinda sucks. Of course you can always call a few friends up and everything will be alright in the end - you'll have a few good laughs, you'll bash men, and you'll talk about new ways of meeting men - but ultimately, (and mind you burried deep down inside) you want to have someone there. Someone who will hold you when you're feeling weak, someone who will lend you their sleeve when you need to wipe the snot off your nose (not like you would ever do it, but it's the thought that counts), someone who will bring you chicken noodle soup when you're sick.

I could have had all of this at one point, and I sorta did. His name is ToonMan. He and I met one fall afternoon while bike riding in a park. We sat at the same picnic table and had lunch together. We had a great conversation and exchanged email addresses. I should let you know, we both were dating other people at the time, but I felt something. Something that I didn't feel for my boyfriend at the time. Needless to say, over the years we've kept in touch and gotten together for the occassional coffee or dinner.

Since that joyous meeting day he's been through one girlfriend and several bad dates, and I've been through one boyfriend, an alcoholic, an overambitious entrapeneur, and a series of other bad dates. More often than none we would always rehash our experiences amongst one another, which was great. For a brief month, and I stress the word brief, we even decided to take our friendship to the next level. Unfortunately, it was short lived. I remember him distinctly saying, "What happens when you try to make a friend into a girlfriend? One less friend." I thought about that for a moment and realized that it was true. Seeing as this relationship would lead to no good, we put a stop to it and resumed being friends, before anything serious coul come between us.

Then there came Mrs.Masters. She's a girl that he met at the beginning of September. It's your typical boy meets girl story. They met at school, love at first sight, blah blah blah. He's her first boyfriend, and she wants to take things slow. And of course, Iceman, being the gentleman that he is, is granting her wishes. He is so patient with her and so kind, and gentle. Argh, it makes me angry, and frustrated because he keeps telling me about all the little things that he does for her in the daily emails that we send to each other. It literally kills a part of me every time I read, "Oh I love Mrs. Masters. She's perfect in every single way." It's like he's freakin describing Mary Poppins or something. I sometimes feel like yelling, or at least typing in caps lock, "She'll break your heart you gullible sack of skin!" But alas, I have never uttered the words, nor will I ever because I care too much about his happiness. Okay. That was officially cliche. I apologize. Noramlly, I'm much more sarcastic than this. You can ask PinkPolish. She'll vouch for my sarcasm, pessimism, and cynical nature.

So, I set up a date with NoBalls. This should be interesting. I haven't seen him in over a month and I've talked to him about twice since the beginning of January. PinkPolish and I are going to try out a few things about a "First Date." We're going to create some guidelines as to what you can do to prepare yourself for one, and what happens when a date goes well, (keeping my fingers crossed that it will), or what happens when a date goes the other way. Yeah, the kind where you wish you brought dull pencils so that you could poke your eyes out just so you can find an excuse to get out of there.

My prediction: The date will go smoothly, with a few awkward bumps. My only concern, the conversation will be garbage. If that's the case, I'm fully prepared to tell him to drop his pants, just so I'll get him to shut up, or to just ease the awkwardness. Weird way of trying to make a conversation work huh?

Anyways, Bricks also gave me a phone call and told me, and I quote: "I am claiming my territory with you LemonDrop. You are mine." To which I responded, "What am I a piece of meat? I belong to no one. " He sounds like the first astronaut who landed on the moon, he stuck the US flag into the ground and claimed his territory. (A dog also likes to do the same by peeing wherever it can.)

Ooh, on a completely different note, and because I promised PinkPolish, I'll tell you the story about The Fist.

After having a cup 'o jo, at our local Timothy's, we decided to head into the Stag Shop, a sex store that specializes in lingerie, sex toys, and other various adult "fun stuff." We browsed through the store having a good laugh at the porn section, the female "Gyrator"

and other various toys, and equipment for bondage. THEN, we came across the epitome of any sex shop. The fist. As soon as we saw it we both burst out laughing! Can you believe people would actually purchase something like that? Who would want a fist inside them? Come on now. A dildo I can understand, for those late nights, or for when a man just couldn't finish the job. But a fist?!?! Come on folks, do we have to stoop to that level?

Anyways, I came out of the store with a good laugh, and a list of a few masage oils that I would like to purchase, whereas my partner in crime, also known as PinkPolish, purchased a little something special for her Suavier. Something that would make him melt. (I'll let her give you the details.)

Anyways, I didn't even get to talk about DoorKnob. Oh well, that would make for an interesting next post. As for me, I'm off to do homework, which I should have been doing all week instead of procrastinating. School starts back up tomorrow and I have a headache thinking about it.

Some closing thoughts:
At the end of the day, all we really want is someone who will never leave us. Someone who will be there to hold our hand, through thick and thin, and someone who will just love us for who we are. (This post has been inspired by the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy.) *Sigh* I have fallen in love with George O'Malley.

Margarita Night!

Saturday night was the last official part night before classes resume again on monday, so, to mark the auspicious occassion, two friends and I decided to go out for some margaritas and "live it up". The plan was to escape around 9 and head to the bar but at 8 I recieved a phone call from Suavier saying "Im on my way home now and I would love nothing more than to see you!" So, being the sucker for hot italian men that I am, I asked the girl driving,who shall forth with be known as Tilly, if she would mind making a detour to the city for about an hour so I could see Suavier. Being the great friend that she is, she agreed so after getting lost for about 20 minutes we finally made it to the city and they dropped me off @ Suavier's house and they went to this tiny bar called "the cadillac" a few streets over. Fun adult times ensued with Suavier and soon the hour was over and if finished with him serendaing me on his acoustic guitar. (The man has an amazing voice!) Needless to say my heart was aflutter with girly butterflies and kissing him goodbye to meet my friends at the cadillac was bittersweet. He later sent me a text message saying "Youre such an amazing girl." Im not reall ysure what to read into that - was it a "hey thanks for the fuck" or was it "wow i really like you and am thinking about dating you." Of course being that I posess ovaries, I am probably reading too much into it!

We girls finally get back to Suburbia and head to the local 'hangout' bar/club - Im dressed in a hot little red number, its backless, and only enough fabric in the fron to drap around the back of the neck and cover about 50% of your breasts. Once there we slam back a few Margs and some guy in a red shirt catches my eye. Low and behold it is Georgio . I met him last summer at a bank and we exchanged numbers, he called me a few times and emailed me but I didnt reciprocate any of these communications so we lost touch. To prevent an increasingly awkward situation I went up to him and we did the usual "oh hey how are you!" bit, and everything was fine until he got completely sloshed and asked to dance with me. Trying not to be rude I agreed. It was a strange hispanic kinda song and he began shaking his ass like a Mexican hooker and proceeded to try and lick my nipples on the dance floor whilst holding his beer(s!). The guy is about 6"3 and I am 5"6 at the most...it must have been an interesting sight. After his drunked stupour no longer permitted him to stand erect he left the dancefloor and a 60 year old man came to take his place. Although I am ashamed to admit it, I really liked dancing with the old guy - he was adorable and not at creepy in a "grandpa wants to touch me in my special spot" way.

As if being mauled by an enibriated jackass, and an amourous geriatric wasnt enough, the crowd parted and I spotted one of my ex-boyfriends, Fred , not only was he there making my night that much more awkward, one of the girls I came with, Slutty McSlutSlut was practicly humping him. For a few brief moments I was apalled at the sight until this girl from highschool that used to hang out with Fred walked over to Slutty and instructed her to move her clap coated hands from Fred or she would "beat [her] like a red-headed step child." ( Ahh the suburbs, all the colourful sophistication of Trailer Park America!)
The night ended on a flat note - litterally - as we all got up and sang "cruising" at the karaoke mike and I left for Tilly's car walking in my bare feet (my shoe choice of spiked heels not so smart) singing "play that funky music white boy".

From the beginning to the I don't know where...

PinkPolish has the night off, so I figured I'd give this blog a whirl and fill you in on what's been going on with me. There are a few men in my life right now, and I use the term "men" loosely. They vary from extremely demanding, to extremely passive. What can I say? I like a variety.

Let me break it down for you:
1) Alchie - He's the typical kind of guy that I seem to be attracting these days. The kind that likes to get drunk (a lot), has a compuslive gambling problem, and is extremely obnoxious. Now don't get me wrong, Alchie and I have had some good times, some being the operative word. However for the most part they've been awkward and have left me wondering if it is possible to readjust your bra, after just being fondled, without actually touching your bra.

2) Bricks - He's the jerk who's been jerking me around for the last two years. I never know where I stand with him, since he's either done something to piss me off, or he's just done something to piss me off. ;) I thought I had really fallen for this goon, but he turned out to be a typical guy...rude, mean, and a jackass. I thought I saw potential in Bricks, but really, I think my vision was temporarily clouded by an excess amount of this feeling people call 'happiness.' I have never opened up to any man before as much as I have to Bricks. I've wasted so much time allowing him to get to know me. Now that things are looking bleak, I really don't want to have to spend this much time and energy building up this fortress of security around myself again only to have to take it down. Again. Also, the reason he has been nicknamed Bricks is because he recently opened up his own business, and apparently he seems to have fallen in love with that pile of bricks more so than me. Boorns.

3) NoBalls - Deep down I think this guy really means well. I really do, but for some reason he just comes off as being really indecisive and quite frankly, that annoys me. For example: We were planning a night out one day and our conversation went something like this:
LemonDrop (LD): "So when would you like to get together?
NoBalls (NB): Whenever you'd like.
LD: Well, when are you off from work this week?
NB: I'm free whenever you are.
LD: Okay, so how about Friday?
NB: Friday is good.
LD: Alright. What time is good for you?
NB: Whatever time is good for you is good for me.
LD: Okay, well how about we get together for a mid-day coffee?
NB: Well, I work, but okay.
LD: Oh, well, if you work, I don't want to bother you. We can get together when you're off.
NB: No, that's okay. Mid-day coffee is fine.
LD: But you just said you were working.
NB: Yeah, but...
(Now you see what I mean? Thus, his nickname NoBalls. ) Recently, his testicles seem to have dropped, and he's become a little more appealing to me.

4) KungPow (Mostly this one is MIA - thank goodness) - KungPow is someone I used to work with. He is also known as the little boy that couldn't. Ugh, the sight of him just makes me cringe. He's inappropriate, raunchy, and just plain dirty...which is just how I like it...hehehe...but seriously, this boy just turns me right off. At one point I told him that he was just a like a dog who kept getting beat over the head with a newspaper by his master but he keeps coming back for more. Bah.

So, now that you have a bit of background information, let's get you up to speed.

Today I had a run-in with KungPow. He came into the class that I was teaching (mind you I was substituting for a kingergarten teacher) and he tells me that he wants to perform sexual favours for me. Now, for him to say something like that to me is fine, even though I would brutally rebuff him, but to say it IN FRONT OF SIX YEAR OLDS!!!!!!! that's just sick. As soon as I could I was outta there faster than Velveeta at a trailer park.

Bricks called me today...after a week long silence because he called me ignorant. The audacity of the motherf*cker. Ugh, this coming from the man who wants me to magical change into this ideal woman of his. And I quote: "I like you LemonDrop, but I'm going to change you." Can you believe that? So anyways, I basically gave him the cold shoulder on the phone and called him a poopoo head for a good half hour. Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, you read right. I called him a poopoo head. (Doesn't that remind you of the time when little Jimmy tugged on your pigtails in the third grade and you stuck out your tongue at him and called him a poopoo head?)

As for NoBalls, he also called today, which was nice, since he hasn't called in a while, but hey, who am I to complain? (There's one thing you should know about me, I'm a commitment-phobe. I run when I hear the words commitment, relationship, marriage, or anything remotely having to do with being tied down.) Hmm, maybe I'll see if he wants to get together and maybe we can, *cough cough* enjoy each other's company.

Ooh, PinkPolish and I have also added another man to our list of "evil-doers." Okay, maybe not evil-doers, but...hmm...I actually can't come up with anything better than that. Maybe PinkPolish will do better than me. DirtySanchez. He's someone we have class with, and don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, but man...he's dirty, and his last name is Sanchez. Whoops, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Oh well. So we thought the name worked out well. When I was looking for a picutre that we could post of him, I opened up a sacred tool that is only used for such purposes - Google - and typed in: Dirty Sanchez. Instead of pressing the regular search button, I hit "I'm feeling lucky." Hehe, this is the page that it took me to: http://www.subgenius.com/updates/5-99news/X0027_the_dirty_sanchez_et.html Let me tell you, I was on the floor laughing my ass off! [Before opening this link I must warn you, some of the things you are about to read are really nasty, but also equally funny.]

That's all I got for you now. Maybe if I get bored later, amongst doing a shit load of homework, I'll post some more of my weird and wacky adventures. Ooh, and I'll also introduce you to DoorKnob, a good friend of mine that I've known for fifteen years. We call her doorknob because everyone's had a turn! [I know, that was original right?] I have some stories about her, oh boy do I have stories...

Reading Week Part 1

So, since LemonDrop and I are such hard working university students, we are given a week off from classes in our winter term labelled 'reading week' for the purpose of catching up on readings and assignments. However, despite what administration may have intended, reading week has become more of a week long blur of intravenous drug abuse, alcoholism and debauchery - I believe in the states they call it "spring break". Heroine aside, my reading week has been exactly as predicted. I got very little work done but managed to have sex with a guy I only met twice. hooray for me! *dies a little on the inside* And so I must relate "the cock story".

I was downtown with a friend of mine and we had planned on meeting up with Suavier at a little pub. Previously to this point I had only talked with Suavier once at a new years party and had been conversing with him via email, phone and msn for about 6 weeks. Needless to say I was quite nervous as he is your typical Italian Stallion so, I bedecked myself in the lowest cut top i could possibly find, a push up bra and silicon breast inserts and assured myself that if the man was straight, he could look past my somewhat perverse personality to my cleavage. Well, the plan worked in theory but for my inabiliyt to think before I speak. He walked into the pub and sat down with us and we started talking - you know that kind of conversation you have with someone who you have been talking to on the phone constantly so now when you see them in person there really isnt anything to say...yes so we covered the three basics almost immediately, the weather, our respective 'days', and the weather forcast for the next three days. So to speed this story along, half an hour later he had his hand on my inner thigh and mine on his and all that was going through my mind was "I knew I picked the right shirt!". So anyways my friend decides to ask me a question but unfortunately I was not paying any atteniton to the conversation as all I kept thinking was "omg, he's touching me!!!" So trying to act all smooth i begin to recount some sort of humouraous anecdote when all of a sudden i just blurt out the word "cock". I just said cock, I said ti just how someone would talk about the weather. Needless to say my friend and Suavier both stared hard at me for about 30 seconds then burst out laughing. I was completely mortified but I must have said something right because two days later I was in his bed, on all fours.

So what happened next you may ask? Well after a day of worrying that Suavier wouldnt call me back he finally did. He talked sweet nothings and poisioned my mind with his words and now I am compeltely infatuated with the bastard. We even went for a walk at midnight by a snow covered lake, where, in the moonlight he gave me the most romantic kiss and stared me in the eyes and said "I would treat you like a princess." Romantic no? Not quite, becaue he also told me that he didnt want to bathe for atleast a day after we had sex so he could "feel me on him as long as possible". Hmm would Juliet have still loved Romeo if he was smelly and cum-crusted? I guess we will never know...

The Plot

Alrite, to prevent future confusion regarding the various relationships that will be mentioned, I find it necessary to first map out the current situation. Let us begin with LemonDrop. Well, LemonDrop is currently single after a series of horrendous dates with Alchie (an alcohlic compulsive gambler) Bricks (an ambitious entrepreneur who feels women should change to suit his needs), and the occassional mixing up of the siutation by NoBalls (a blast from the past. I will leave the finer points of these relations up to LemonDrop.
As for myself, I am currently seeing two guys, the one I like to refer to as Clingy (yes due to the fact that he is seriously clingly and suffocating) and the other I shall dub Suavier (yes yes he is suave and smooth). The triangle is made even more complicated due to the fact that I have been dating Clingly for 3 years in which he cheated on me 3 times, once with my bestfriend, and that I told Suavier that I am no longer with Clingy. And to add some zest to the situation, I have a side thing with a guy forthwith known as Oxford who also has a girlfriend of 2 years, but sees me as his "perfect sexual match".

I hope that everyone will enjoy this blog - it will be lewd, rude and raunchy and at times incredibly insightful (although those posts will be made by LemonDrop) If you have anything that you think might be interesting to post, or photos you think are funny or even obscene, you've come to the right place! Comment and let us know.

It Begins

And so it begins! The start of a new partnership, the mission: to chronicle the strange lives of two university students living in suburbia, often resulting in romantic mishaps, followed by a series of inappropriate language, over-used cliches, and embarassing encounters with oddly shapped phalli!...Ok maybe not soo much the last part, but it happens!! *shudders*