From the beginning to the I don't know where...

PinkPolish has the night off, so I figured I'd give this blog a whirl and fill you in on what's been going on with me. There are a few men in my life right now, and I use the term "men" loosely. They vary from extremely demanding, to extremely passive. What can I say? I like a variety.

Let me break it down for you:
1) Alchie - He's the typical kind of guy that I seem to be attracting these days. The kind that likes to get drunk (a lot), has a compuslive gambling problem, and is extremely obnoxious. Now don't get me wrong, Alchie and I have had some good times, some being the operative word. However for the most part they've been awkward and have left me wondering if it is possible to readjust your bra, after just being fondled, without actually touching your bra.

2) Bricks - He's the jerk who's been jerking me around for the last two years. I never know where I stand with him, since he's either done something to piss me off, or he's just done something to piss me off. ;) I thought I had really fallen for this goon, but he turned out to be a typical guy...rude, mean, and a jackass. I thought I saw potential in Bricks, but really, I think my vision was temporarily clouded by an excess amount of this feeling people call 'happiness.' I have never opened up to any man before as much as I have to Bricks. I've wasted so much time allowing him to get to know me. Now that things are looking bleak, I really don't want to have to spend this much time and energy building up this fortress of security around myself again only to have to take it down. Again. Also, the reason he has been nicknamed Bricks is because he recently opened up his own business, and apparently he seems to have fallen in love with that pile of bricks more so than me. Boorns.

3) NoBalls - Deep down I think this guy really means well. I really do, but for some reason he just comes off as being really indecisive and quite frankly, that annoys me. For example: We were planning a night out one day and our conversation went something like this:
LemonDrop (LD): "So when would you like to get together?
NoBalls (NB): Whenever you'd like.
LD: Well, when are you off from work this week?
NB: I'm free whenever you are.
LD: Okay, so how about Friday?
NB: Friday is good.
LD: Alright. What time is good for you?
NB: Whatever time is good for you is good for me.
LD: Okay, well how about we get together for a mid-day coffee?
NB: Well, I work, but okay.
LD: Oh, well, if you work, I don't want to bother you. We can get together when you're off.
NB: No, that's okay. Mid-day coffee is fine.
LD: But you just said you were working.
NB: Yeah, but...
(Now you see what I mean? Thus, his nickname NoBalls. ) Recently, his testicles seem to have dropped, and he's become a little more appealing to me.

4) KungPow (Mostly this one is MIA - thank goodness) - KungPow is someone I used to work with. He is also known as the little boy that couldn't. Ugh, the sight of him just makes me cringe. He's inappropriate, raunchy, and just plain dirty...which is just how I like it...hehehe...but seriously, this boy just turns me right off. At one point I told him that he was just a like a dog who kept getting beat over the head with a newspaper by his master but he keeps coming back for more. Bah.

So, now that you have a bit of background information, let's get you up to speed.

Today I had a run-in with KungPow. He came into the class that I was teaching (mind you I was substituting for a kingergarten teacher) and he tells me that he wants to perform sexual favours for me. Now, for him to say something like that to me is fine, even though I would brutally rebuff him, but to say it IN FRONT OF SIX YEAR OLDS!!!!!!! that's just sick. As soon as I could I was outta there faster than Velveeta at a trailer park.

Bricks called me today...after a week long silence because he called me ignorant. The audacity of the motherf*cker. Ugh, this coming from the man who wants me to magical change into this ideal woman of his. And I quote: "I like you LemonDrop, but I'm going to change you." Can you believe that? So anyways, I basically gave him the cold shoulder on the phone and called him a poopoo head for a good half hour. Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, you read right. I called him a poopoo head. (Doesn't that remind you of the time when little Jimmy tugged on your pigtails in the third grade and you stuck out your tongue at him and called him a poopoo head?)

As for NoBalls, he also called today, which was nice, since he hasn't called in a while, but hey, who am I to complain? (There's one thing you should know about me, I'm a commitment-phobe. I run when I hear the words commitment, relationship, marriage, or anything remotely having to do with being tied down.) Hmm, maybe I'll see if he wants to get together and maybe we can, *cough cough* enjoy each other's company.

Ooh, PinkPolish and I have also added another man to our list of "evil-doers." Okay, maybe not evil-doers, but...hmm...I actually can't come up with anything better than that. Maybe PinkPolish will do better than me. DirtySanchez. He's someone we have class with, and don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, but man...he's dirty, and his last name is Sanchez. Whoops, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Oh well. So we thought the name worked out well. When I was looking for a picutre that we could post of him, I opened up a sacred tool that is only used for such purposes - Google - and typed in: Dirty Sanchez. Instead of pressing the regular search button, I hit "I'm feeling lucky." Hehe, this is the page that it took me to: http://www.subgenius.com/updates/5-99news/X0027_the_dirty_sanchez_et.html Let me tell you, I was on the floor laughing my ass off! [Before opening this link I must warn you, some of the things you are about to read are really nasty, but also equally funny.]

That's all I got for you now. Maybe if I get bored later, amongst doing a shit load of homework, I'll post some more of my weird and wacky adventures. Ooh, and I'll also introduce you to DoorKnob, a good friend of mine that I've known for fifteen years. We call her doorknob because everyone's had a turn! [I know, that was original right?] I have some stories about her, oh boy do I have stories...