The Female Sex Drive

After a long day at work, after I set up all of the decorations for my fathers birthday bash and he opened his gifts and everyone wen on their merry way, I decided to work out and then went to have some coffee by myself at a little cafe close by. I sat there for maybe 2 hours thinking about everything, my life where it's heading and this recent health kick ive kinda been on of working out and eating fairly well compared to my normal routine of little debbies and all nigth sex and the city marathons. Then it hit me, sex. Recently I have been abstaining from sex. I have come to the conclusion that my former relationships, despite the fact that they were doomed to start with by my particular skill in picking the biggest assholes in existence, were really destroyed in the end by sex. Things would be hot and heavy and I think all women can attest to the fact that once you have sex with a man in a relationship that is all he thinks about. Dinners, compliments, the sweet words are spurted aside partying it up with his ejaculatory bullshit in the used condom in the garbage. Once sex is introduced, the 'other' 'little' man becames the other partner in the reltationship. In fact I would even propose that the penis is in fact the 'real' man, and that other person that told you 'you have the most beautiful eyes' was really the decoy, and once the penis gets a wiff of that longed for resting place between your legs it swallows up that man you fell in love with and his soul i would wager! Alrite granted, that may have come across a bit harsh...but, I think being in a 'pseudo-relationship' like I am in right now with HKG is the best thing that has happened to me. I have had so much more time to think and to do some of the things that I didnt because I was too preoccupied with my 'extra-cirricular ' activites
to actually accomplish them. This will give me an opportunity to get to know the person that I am actually seeing, without all of those other pressures in the way.

So why is it that when I tell someone this, that Ive decided to give up sex, they look at me strangely. The women appear with expressions of sheer horror "what?! Dont you want to test drive the vehicle before you buy it?!" I mean really, as women we gather around in groups, created message forums, devote magazines and movies andentire series on the fact that we believe men are ruled by their phalli, creatures of pure hedonistic pursuit...but really ladies, are we much better? Most of you will say yes, and why? Because we 'care' about the people we sleep with, we 'listen' we are 'compassionate'. Are we really? I dont think it makes us better than men, I just think it makes us better liars to ourselves and to them. How many women cheat in a relationship? How many men?? I would wager women cheat more, we're just smarter about it so we dont get caught as often. In fact I think I could go so far as to say that women, are penises with brains. THats right, we are what happens when the drive of the cock is added with the calculating, manipulative and sometimes coniving nature of the female species. Men will spend hours and ricockulous amouts of money trying to get laid. A woman just has to walk into a bar pick the first guy she sees and says "you, me, backseat of my car, now." and hes gone. Men think theyre so tricky, heres some news guys, we know your games, and we just play along whenever it suits our needs. if you get any, its not because you won some competition, or outwitted us, its because we choose for you to have those few moments of pleasure.

You may ask "what is the point of this post" to which i would reply "Im 20 something, I havent had sex in I dont know how long, Im horny and I cant eat chocolate."

Quote of the Week

I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes, when I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.

Uncertain Goodbyes

So last nite after LemonDrop and myself left the club, I went to meet up with HKG to say our last goodbyes before he headed off for the rest of the summer. It was already going to be hard, and then he surprised me with a beautiful bouqet of daisies (my favourite flower) and it made it that much harder. These past few weeks have housed the hardest and thanks to him some of the happiest moments and I am certainly going to miss him. I have to admit though, im a bit concerned that when he's gone and then we he returns he wont feel the same way about me anymore - I have a hard time believing the old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder." From my experience it works to harden the heart and slowly cut away old ties. But, Im going to do everything I can to make sure that it doesn't happen in this scenario!

So, onto the other events of last nite. Let us all take a moment to reflect on this 'minor accident' I had at the club, as LemonDrop so delicately put it. It was hardly minor! I fell wearing the most amazing shoes - you know those shoes you have tucked away in ur closet still in the shoebox that youve maybe worn once because they are so f*ing painful but you bought because they are so f*ing sexy?? yeah I was wearing those ones. After a night of dancing the backs of the patent red leather stillhettos started rubbing my achilles tendon and I had this MASSIVE blister. Naturally i felt like sitting down - then all of a sudden my phone rings, I go to step away from the loud music to hear the person when I fall flat on my ass down the stairs infront of id say, 40 poeple, wearing the worlds tiniest white miniskirt the whole time trying desperately to cover myself as I expose my vagina to the entire world. When I finally got up it was to a roar of applause from a room full of drunkards laughing. Im just glad I decided to shave....


HKG Return Countdown: 65 Days

Best Weekend Ever!

This was probably the best weekend I've had in such a long time! Let me break it down for you:

Friday: I took the day off work, and went up north to Keswick, Ontario, home to famous Canadian author Stephen Leacock. (If ya'll have a chance, you should read one of his comedic works, The Mariposa Bank Mystery.) Anyways, Shewhomakesmencry was supposed to come with me, but due to her being as sick as a dog, she cancelled. My dad ended up taking me instead which was really nice of him. We took the scenic route there, which took us about two hours. We ended up making a pit stop at the restaurant where DoorKnob works. I saw her for the first time in approximately 7 months. Yeah, it's been a while eh?

Anyways, once we reached Keswick, everything felt different. I don't know if it was the change of scenery or if it was because I was by the lake again, but it just felt different. We stopped at Cooks Bay first, which is just at the bottom tip of Lake Simcoe, and sat on a park bench and just stared out at the ocean. This is what we saw:

Isn't that gorgeous? It was such a beautiful day too! While we were sitting there, a dog from one of the neighbouring houses came over and started to play with us. Yeah, it was kinda weird, but the dog looked bored, so we humoured her. We were throwing sticks and she was fetching them, she even stole a shell that I found and ate it. Weird eh? She was a very well trained dog. Any command that we gave her she obeyed.

Afterwards we drove over towards the Pioneer Village that is located in Georgina (about a 10 minute ride from where we were). Once we got there, we saw that it looked like a pile of really old bricks, so we just left and headed for Willow Beach instead. Once we got there, my dad and I started to enjoy the scenery even more! We walked along the shoreline and we also walked around the conservation area that they had as well. This is what we saw as we walked along the road at Willow Beach:

Absolutely gorgeous! My dad said the only thing he forgot to bring that day was his bathing suit. We also made a bunch of mini videos of our trip up there for my mom.

After Willow Beach we headed over to Jackson's Point and went to a small Pub/Restaurant. It was a great little place that had one of the best sandwiches that I have ever eated! Mmm, I can still taste the garlic butter on the panini bun. Once we finished eating, dad and I headed home, taking the long way of course...

Saturday: I had been looking forward to this day all week long! PinkPolish and I had planned a night out to this lounge that was about a 15 minute drive from where she was. It ended up taking us like 20 minutes to get there because people don't know how to drive. We had a whole marathon of getting ready. I went over a bit earlier and we watched some Sex and the City episodes, and then we did hair and make-up, and so forth. In the end, we looked smashing!

IT Girl also came with us. We met her at the lounge. We drank martinis (probably some of the best I've ever had - if you're ever going to try a new martini, try the Lotus, it's a great drink, but sip it slowly, because the sweetness may get to you if you guzzle it down) and we danced the night away. Right before we were about to leave though, PinkPolish had a tiny, miniscule, microscopic accident. She fell down the stairs and whoosh flew her skirt. I must commend her though because she graciously recovered from the mishap.

Ladies, I have one thing to say. If you're going to be dancing all night, DON'T WEAR UNCOMFORTABLE SHOES! I am never wearing my fuck-me-heels again if I'm dancing and there are no seats around to rest. My feet are so sore today! And you know, this raises another question, why are women the ones who must endure this kind of shoe pain? Why do men get all the comfy footwear?

Whatever the case is, I'm gonna go make myself some breakfast and then go back to bed. Have a great day folks!

So it's not just a condom thing

It's been a while since I've posted, so I thought I would catch you guys up on my weekend. It wasn't really all that exciting, but it did have a few highlights. I went over to my brother's house and played with my nephews on Saturday, which turned out to be a jolly good time, but boy was I exhausted at the end of the day. I don't know how my sister-in-law does it. I was in bed at 9:00.

On Sunday, however, after coming back from the mall (I rented the Pink Panther), I stopped at a stop sign right before I was about to make my right turn onto my street. Wouldn't you know, there was a man with one arm and a patch over his eye standing on the corner, and since I had my windows rolled down, he thought it would be a smart idea to yell, "Hey baby, how you doin'?" As soon as I saw him speaking to me, I made my turn without even waiting for oncoming traffic to pass, and flew down my street as fast as Rusty could go. I called PinkPolish as soon as I rolled into my driveway, and she exclaimed, "You were hit on by a war-amp!" I couldn't help but laugh at that.

Later on in the day, I received a phone call from Bricks, who wanted to apologize for being a jerk and a psychopath when we were "together." In other words, please come back because I need to get laid.

I think in my next post I'll decode The Male Language.

I have one thing that I can look forward to this coming weekend, even though my plans were blotched for going away to the cottage. (Somewhere far up north where no one can get a hold of me.) I'm going out with PinkPolish to this super-swanky lounge/bar/club where the men are under 30 and in suits. That's a very courteous gesture to the women isn't it? At least we won't be hit on by either really old men, or urban cowboys. We're going to have a Sex and the City Marathon before we put on our little black dresses and head over there. It's going to be so much fun!

'Til next time, play nice in the sandbox and don't forget the sunscreen!

Quote of the Week

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Summer Update

So unfortunately it has been quite awhile since I have posted busy with work and my summer course. Hence, I have decided to create this update touching on all the main events of the past few weeks.

Romance: Things seem to be continuing with HKG despite the scare and in retrospect the somewhat depressing post about the whole situation. We are starting to work past any obstacles that could be between us and have been spending a lot of time together. Infact two days ago we had a 'pink floyd' night. We travelled up to this beautiful spot that over looked the entire city and was surrounded by forrest at sunset and 'chilled' to sometimes freaky sounds of floyd. I had an amazing time! Unfortunately, he will be going away for the summer as he is a wakeboard instructor at a resort up north and I will really miss him but, he's going to have a fantastic time so it makes it worth it!

Family: My mother has finally be diagnosed properly with low grade pancreatic cancer. But, she will be going into surgery soon to have it removed and we're all very hopeful about the results and her speedy recovery!

School: Busy, boring & generally a wet rag on the summer fever.

Work: Crazy WOP from work keeps trying to make moves on me. Infact just last week he asked me to go away with him to montreal for the weekend. Please bear in mind however, that I have NEVER seen this guy outside of work and even at work I barely talk to him due to his inability to keep his mouth shut and his eyes from my chest. He even tried to get my flowers to I assume 'warm me' to the idea of the weekend get-a-way. I have already told this guy to back off, infact friday I told him if he didnt stop bothering me I would "Poke out your eye with a used tampon and then use it to shove up your urethra while repeatedly ravaging you with a fisting dildo." This plan backfired when I discovered to my horror his obvious hard on for fisting.... *shudders*

Land of Rejects: Do you remember that other crazy WOP that tried to get me to go with him to montreal? Suavier? Well I thought that maybe I had finally got rid of him but he sends me an email today which says "I was wondering if maybe youd like to get together some night, just for a night, I have been with a lot of girls since you and you're just so hot, I dont think that we fully got a chance to really 'experience eachother' like we should have." Wow clearly this guy knows how to sweep a gal off her feet...

WorldCup: That's right, im a soccer fan especially when it comes to the world cup. I just thought i would let everyone know in case they dont follow that The Netherlands (my team) has advanced past the first round to be in the top 16 of the world cup after winning both of their matches first 1:0 against Serbia & Montenegro, and then 2:1 against the Ivory Coast. Thats right, HUP HOLLAND!

Something must be wrong with me...

Because every time I go to work I seem to find condoms left, right, and centre. For example, today, I cleaned out my desk at work before I left for the night. [I read this one magazine article that said, you will feel less stressed at work if you know everything is in order. I figured, what do I have to lose? Let's try it out.] I chucked all of the old files that were in there, and organized my stationary etc. But lo and behold, what do I find hidden underneath some old application forms? A Lifestyles condom, WITH personal lubricant.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give up. It's bad enough that I find a condom in the home-office of the lady I work for on the weekends, but to find a condom in the drawer of a desk at a well respected university? *sigh* If you look on the bright side, at least this one was not lying on the floor, used and full of cum.

Quote of the Week

"You have a lot of nerve telling me to wax. If you were in Aruba the natives could bead your back."

Enough to break your heart

I went to my brother's house this morning to see my nephews, mostly because Niko was really sick and I wanted to make sure he was doing better. When I left his house, Niko was asleep, and I didn't want to wake him to tell him that I was leaving because he looked so peaceful.

I got home, fell asleep (being with 3 kids all day is exhausting), and I get a phone call from my sister-in-law. She says that Niko is hysterical and crying because he wasn't able to play with me or say good-bye when I left. I couldn't believe it. So what do I end up doing? I get back in Rusty and head over there to comfort him.

When I got back up there (it's about a half hour drive from where I am) I sat down with Niko and we watched Scooby Doo. Damn, I forgot what a great show it is. Mind you I prefer the older Scooby to the newer one. But I guess it's the same.

Anyways, just seeing him all feverish and sick, and crying for me just broke my heart. How can I be such a big baby? The baby is just getting bigger and bigger every day! Unfortunately, he's a portable radiator. When I was getting ready to leave, I basically had to peel him off of me. It's weird how you can't help but love little babies. Even if you're meaner than a dog shitting tacks, you will melt when you see a little one. *sigh* The joys of being an auntie.

Questions about why

I am fiercely protective of my friends, and when I see one of them in the process of getting hurt, or in this case, already having been hurt, I want to destroy the source that is bringing on the pain.

I will never understand how a man can build up a woman, and then just shit on that bright and sunny parade. Why is it that a woman always falls for the "we" that men insert into their sentences? Why do we become putty in their tainted hands? Why does our vision become blurred when we fall for someone?

How can you tell someone that you really like them, and then take it back and say, "Oh things aren't going to work between us." Why the fuck not? When the man attempts to answer this question, you will need to bring on the rubber boots because anything that comes out of his mouth will be bullshit. Before you know it, you'll be knee deep in it.

The following message is for HKG:
I do not appreciate you jerking PinkPolish around. As I mentioned in my Dear Universe letter, emotions are something that should not be toyed with. I do not like you making promises that you cannot keep. You have chosen your path. If you continue to build her up and then dash her hopes, be aware, that I will be on your ass like crabs on a two dollar hooker. You have drawn a line between you and her, do not cross it.

The Lone Soldier

The best way to describe the events of the past two days would be to quote carrie bradshaw: "I was so far out on the limb with my emotions that I didnt realise I was standing there alone." This have progressed with HKG and myself. In fact if I could classify it as a torrid affair that might be pretty accurate. It was fast and intense but was ended before it began for reasons that I shall leave out. I will admit, I had high hopes and some dreams for this 'thing' between him and I to really work out - but for now, they werent meant to be or perhaps forever. I wont lie and say he didnt get to me, I think for the first time in a long time if not ever, I felt this way about somebody so i've moved from devestated, to sad, to acceptance to hope to miserable which is probably where I sit now. Howeverhe has shown me something and made me question thiings about my past and my future that I had never thought of before and Im excited at the same time to find out about these things.
But the purpose of this post isnt to wallow in my own pity, but rather to address en mass those of you, men and women, who have ever had your heart broken, repaired, just to be broken again. My message is to never give up chasing that dream of true love. Never regret the experiences you have shared with someone no matter how painful it became. LIke Pat Benatar exclaimed, Love is a battlefield, and it is only those select few soldiers, broken and battered, who remain standing when all else has been destroyed, that can pick up and move on ready for the next fight, a little wiser. Afterall, the war can't last forever.

Quote of the Week

I was watching an episode of Sex and the City, and no sooner than the words left Samantha's mouth, I was on the floor laughing my ass off. I wasn't only laughing because of how she delivered her lines, but the truth behind her words.

Here you go folks, in eternal words of Samantha Jones:

"You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'. "

Dear Universe, (Part 2)

Who the fuck do you think you are? Are you some sort of sadist that gets pleasure from people's pain? Why do you repeatedly kick someone in the gut and once they're down, you kick dust into their eyes, and then you kick them in the mouth until blood starts to pour out of their mouth? Why do you let someone hit rock bottom, and instead of helping them up, you give them a jackhammer so they can drill deeper than the fuckin' molten rock that they've hit?!?!?!

I am sick of sitting down and taking all of the bullshit that you have thrown at me. I'm through! You hear me? I'm through! I will no longer lie down and let you kick me. Instead I will stand up, proud and tall, and no matter how many times you try and hit me, I'll still be left standing. I'll pull some Mohammad Ali shit, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee" mothafucka!

I will no longer be pushed around. I will take you down! I will cut your grotesquely hairy shaped balls, shove them up your ass, so you can watch me kick the crap out of you. Then, as Moe says, I'm going to use your tongue to paint my boat. (Even though I don't have a boat, I'll just find one to paint.)

You cannot jerk people around the way you do. You cannot tell them one thing and then change it on a whim. Emotions are something that should not be toyed with you sick cum recepticle.

In conclusion, screw you you sadistic piece of tit turd. I hope you rot in hell and have repeated hemorrhoids, not only on your ass, but on ever single orfice that exists on your pre-pubecent boy's body!

Sincerely,
LemonDrop

To Whom It May Concern:

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.