A revelation

It is my sad duty to report that for the last couple of months I've been having unsatisfactory sex. That's right, I said it. It's not just me though, it's women around the world. So I sat down one night and really thought about it. I mean, why is it that we get the short end of the stick? The guy can finish and feel great but us women are left with nothing but cum stained sheets and frustration.

I have, however, noticed one common denominator in situations when this occurs: the guy pulls out just when I'm about to orgasm. Why? Just because he finishes doesn't mean I'm done too. Women need a little more coaxing, and caressing, and care. Is that so much to ask for?

I move to set some ground rules for men to follow, because God knows some of them need detailed instructions. Please feel free to add to the following list:

1. If you are privileged enough to have oral sex performed on you, please do not try to face-fuck us, pat us on the head, or pull our hair. (Also, if requested, do not cum in our mouths.)

2. Handle our breasts with care. They are not a lump of dough that you can kneed and pound. For this point, I will go back to the cardinal rule we were taught in kindergarten (with a slight modification). Treat our breasts the way you want your balls to be treated.

3. Please be courteous and ask if the woman you are with is using birth control or would like to use a condom. DO NOT ASSUME YOU CAN GO BAREBACK.

4. When entering a woman, start off slow. Do not immediately thrust in and out. That motion is not only painful but is a HUGE turnoff.

5. Once the intercourse is underway, follow whatever instructions the woman gives you. For example: If she screams, "Harder, harder..." You go harder. DO NOT, under any circumstances, slow down!

6. If you are about to orgasm, let us know! This will give us some inclination as to how much longer the intercourse will last.

7. If you finish before us, DO NOT forget about us! We want to orgasm just as much as you. SO FINISH US OFF. Trust me, a little extra effort on your part will go A LONG WAY.

8. Do not be afraid to perform oral sex on us! We will let you know what we like and what we don't like. You will reap the rewards if you get it right!

In conclusion, do not leave your partner unfinished. It's rude and aggravating. Take your time and enjoy. Remember, one bad night can completely screw you over. We all know that women talk. If you get a bad review from one of us, and you try to sleep with another woman who happens to know your previous unsatisfied partner, you will NOT get laid.